I know what you mean. It defintiely does hurt. I have had to deal with my W texting her EA while we were on a family vacation. I thought and then later confronted her and said of all the friend s you have you felt the need to text him on our family vacation. All along I thought it was a great vacation. One of the "fears" I have is being made a fool of by my W's actions. I actually mentioned this to my C and she said, you have no reason to feel like a fool, she is the one acting like a fool.
I feel you have been handling things with a great deal of dignity and grace. Who knows maybe your BIL will have it out with your H.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning