So, quick summary, H had said he wanted to date, didn't want D anymore. Last couple months overall nice. Had some dates, some ML, some good talks, things definitely were moving in baby steps overall.
Then Friday night he leaves me IMs saying he volunteered for a deployment (my take - he's running from everything - dealing with me, OW, school, and his general feeling of failing at life and going back to the one thing he perceives he is good at), he's leaving in a couple months, and that we need to give our M closure before he leaves. He sent some forms and/or a letter to my parents' house which I haven't picked up as I've been a bit distracted trying to study for this final.
My study group yesterday did go well. I am feeling okay about the final, but I guess I won't know til I walk in there at 6 pm tonight lol.
No word from H since Saturday.
I'm only working a part-day today from home. So that part is sorta nice at least.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I am so sorry about the latest developments. Try to just keep your focus on your final for now.
I remember my H talking about volunteering for another deployment when he was going through all this. It is another way for him to run from his problems.
I am sorry I don't have any great advice for you, but after your exam you do need to see what he sent and sit down and have a talk with you. Maybe a legal sep would be the way to go.
I am so sorry you are going through this yet again.
H: I hate to do this, but your stubborness is forcing my hand. Our relationship is completely over, we are not getting back together. Our dates have definately shown me that we need to not be together. So digging in your heels in the hopes that I'll come around or get over my PTSD or whatever excuses you pile onto things will not work. Believing we will ever get back together is a mistake. You can sign the one simple sheet of paper I sent to your parent's house... or I'll have you served papers. Which will go to your parents house and be served to them since you have made sure I don't know where you live. Then there will be forms you will be required to fill out and sign in front of a judge. And since you are making the big bucks I'll do my best to make sure you pay the fees that go along with all these forms. If you really want the public embassment, I'll do it. I'll drag you into a courtroom before a judge and explain why you were a poor wife. But I am leaving you one way or other and and I'd prefer we do it with some dignity. So sign one sheet of paper or I guarantee you'll have to sign a stack of them - I have the forms from my attorney sitting on my desk now. Me: I have a final tonight Me: Will you just leave me alone!?! Me: Wait a couple damn [censored] days Me: and quit dropping all this [censored] on my lap on the weekend I am trying to study H: no, you won't do it when its simple and convenient, so now I don't care Me: well, you are going to have to wait H: just read IM and make sure you understand it and get back to me Me: because i have a final tonight H: because I won't warn you twice Me: warn me???? Me: you are the one who's had a series of affairs not me Me: you are the one who would be embarassed, not me H: not really Me: and i've invited you over to my place Me: so it's not my fault you don't know where i live H: stop making excuses H: that's not the point
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
The part about "public embarassment" - what a joke. NOT that I think you would, but please don't let him bully you into signing anything with that (unless it's a better deal for you than what you'd get in a full D). I really don't think the courts even CARE anymore why a M is ending. They aren't going to ask him about you being a "poor wife" any more than they're going to ask you about his actions.
((((Michelle)))
Good luck on your final, try to put this stuff out of your head for a few more hours.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
(((((Michelle))))) Stop talking to him. I think you should sign off of IM and ignore him until your final is over. Don't deal with this right now. He has had almost a year to do this and now is not the time.
I am not sure what threw him into this anger stage, but I am so sorry that he is dumping this on you now.
Me: right, the point is, you believe we are done Me: so why do you feel the need to try and bully/threaten me into signing these papers H: and even if I did I would still have you served at work or at your parents, because if you can't cooperate and give me what I need to be happy like you said you would, then we'll try another tact to get your attention Me: when i haven't even had a chance to go pick them up? H: because I've asked you nicely and you've refused Me: you told me you didn't want a divorce Me: you told me you wanted to date Me: it wasn't until TWO days ago you brought this up again Me: and I'm trying to get the [censored] out of law school and pass my last final ever Me: and I asked you if we could deal with this on Tuesday and you said yes Me: so why is it so god-damned important that you harass me about this today H: I fail to recall this H: anything about tuesday Me: when we talked saturday morning about talking in person H: because that's how our marraige was too, all about timing that is good for you H: which exactly why I don't like you Me: well i'm sorry i'm not available at the drop of a hat Me: but while as my husband you took first priority, even when you didn't feel like it, as my soon-to-be ex husband, you don't - school does
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Totally agree with KLM - log off of IM and focus on the final.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
No more IM's. You have enough to deal with tonight. One piece of paper isn't going anymore. No more contact until you get through with what you need to do tonight.
I am so sorry he is putting this on you know. But this is his problem, not yours, and you need to focus on you right now.
And if you want, I will hold him down while you kick him in the ba*&s...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Me: and for the record, I did not refuse when we talked on Saturday and you have my attention H: there is nothing else to say. I've told you what I'm going to do. If you want to talk tomorrow, call me and we'll set it up and you can say your piece H: and I'll leave your alone for your final since I said what I have been wanting to Me: why won't you just stop hurting me? Me: isn't it enough that you are getting what you want? H: because you've refused to give me a divorce when I tried to be nice, and I don't like repeating myself H: besides you aren't special, I have a final today too Me: the only time you've been nice to me in the last year was over the last two months was when you wanted to have sex and date Me: which apparently was only a whim on your part H: no, that was an attempt to see if things could get better Me: well i'm glad you were so [censored] gracious to give me a second chance Me: but i've given you 300 second chances over the last year Me: and you've blown them all Me: you are a HORRIBLE husband Me: you are a lying cheating [censored] H: well good reason to divorce me, huh? Me: the problem is, i love you Me: i don't like you. i hate you, especially right now Me: and it hurts H: I'm gonna go, study, you said you wanted to continue this tomorrow, so let's continue tomorrow Me: bye
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Oh ((((((((((((((((Michelle))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry he is putting this on you. Breath...it will all be okay. Something is going on with him, and you have to keep in mind it doesn't have anything to do with you at all. It is in his mind, and you need to worry about you right now. So take a deep breath, shut off the IM and relax. Go take a hot bath, clear your head, and worry about your final.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
