Thanks for shairng your story about "going for a rest". I loved the expression! Talk about hopeless desperation. I didn't think I could ever get that dark. It is a TERRIBLE, black cavern. It seems like your doing better. I never got a lot out of therapists. Maybe jsut me. $185/hour. Welcome to Connecticut. I'm in education as well, in the lower Fairfield area, as an administrator. It's easier being here in Iraq.
Found a really good IC for $50/hour (she had just left a practice to be on her own and agreed to continue seeing me for what a typical co-pay was).
I am doing much better than I even had been as recently as 2 weeks ago. Time does much, I think, as well as just living through the experience. In my family, I was always the stable, able one. Successful, living a blessed life. This is a far different reality, by far. And the pain was so great, I just wanted it to stop. Glad I held on; it does get better, even when you don't think it ever can.
I can't imagine doing the job you are doing now, to come back to a building full of kids who have little to no concept of what freedom, sacrifice or honor is. Do you have to deal with a ton of discipline problems, as well as the typical political stuff?
So. Camping in 94 degree weather with 15 3rd graders and a co-leader who is afraid of bugs. It was AWESOME!!! I am so lucky to be with this group--all of the leaders commented at the end at how great our girls are (it helped to have some other troops there to compare to. Who would volunteer for some of that?!) We had a great time.
This is a group of people who know ME. Not me and x, the couple. Just me. Makes it easier to be around them, you know? And I felt pretty normal. I think seeing him last week and getting that utter feeling of disconnect was a move forward. Again, not in the direction a loving spouse would ever want to move (and that was what I was). But I'm not allowed to be that, anymore.
After camping with D, we met up with S at home. He had been camping with his troop. An hour later, I had D on a playdate and S and I were meeting up with his troop again to try out for the Olympic Luge team (I kid you not!). They do a tour of American cities, letting kids try the sport in a street version of luge. They evaluate the kids, and we will get a call-back letter (or a polite thank you) in October. S did really well and loved it We'll see. On the way home, S asked me if I planned on dating; he said he saw the link to my MySpace page. (No, it is set for completely private and he hasn't seen it). I told him, not right now, but what do you think about that? He said it could be awesome, or it could be the worst thing in the world--depends. I just told him that if I ever go that route, the only person who would be good enough for me must also be right for my kids. He left it at that.
stbx called them an hour early tonight. Either he has a hot date tonight, or he felt left out of what was a great weekend. Who cares?
L just called. I have to meet with her tomorrow night to sign the final papers. Court is on Wednesday. I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach, but not in my heart.
NO ONE, correct sweets, no one cares because you have a wonderful life. Boy, that must've been some camping glad you were able to disconnect for a while
you are doing great hon, doing great))))))))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Yes, it's the typical asssitnat pricipal duties, but Lower Fairfield County is even more political and pressure-filled from parents, especially. Glad to hear it gets better. This year hs helped me tremendously. It was great to put some distance bewteen me and a constantly angry WAS. I can TOTALLY realte to the charmed life you spoke of.
I must say, however, even after almost three years of knowing this was coming, it is beyond me how a spouse can do this to a family, and THEY DO IT TO THE FAMILY, no matter how they try to spin it. Especially when there is no violence, substance abuse, infidelity.....just "I'm not emotionally fulfilled. My love tanks are empty." That's the sum total of what happened to me. That's the reason for altering the landscape of a family forever.
You're right, it does get better. Thanks for the line about "the pit of your stomach vs. your heart". Your son sounds like a cool kid! Can I ask what the toal cost of your attorney was? I have to leave iraq, lock in an apartment, buy some furniture, and the deal with a dismantling of my life. I'm in much better shape than I was three years ago however. Good luck on Wednesday. My prayers are with you.
Thanks, cat! It was a ton of fun; hope that we can do lots more in the future. I think I will open up some family camping dates this summer and see if anyone wants to come along.
F--One of the schools I teach at is a magnet school--I get the thing about the parents and pressure.
"Altering the landscape of the family forever." I so get this, and it does piss me off. None of us (the sane us, me and the kids) wanted this life. But we will make the best of it. I do wonder if anytime in the future, something might be different. But the more people I talk to who divorce, the less likely I think that might happen.
My kids are very cool; pretty fearless. S has done rock climbing and repeling off of a tower. All of us were stuck at the top of the Empire State building the day the lights went out in NYC, and had to walk down 46 flights of stairs to find an emergency elevator (they were 8 & 4 at the time). I am very fortunate to have both of them in my life.
"Altering the landscape of the family forever." I so get this, and it does piss me off. None of us (the sane us, me and the kids) wanted this life. But we will make the best of it.
the heck we will, and we will have a great life too.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I signed the papers tonight. There was really no overt emotion; isn't that strange? The desperation is completely gone.
22+ years reduced to 22 pages. Oh, and he left the "no unrelated overnight guests" clause in, even after I gave it up in the last collab meeting. Whatever.
I'm more unsettled about not getting the same percentage increase in at least child support as his income goes up ever year--as is, it will stay the same until the kids are both 18, unless I make a motion to modify (requiring court again). But by and large, it is a good deal.
Afterwards, I went to a party for a member of my AlAnon group who is retiring and moving to SC. He is well-loved, and an inspiration. He is a minister in his 60s who is still working on himself, but you would never be able to tell he needs work--he is such a peaceful, kind-hearted soul.
My court appearence is set for 9. My sponsor is coming to lend support. As I think this thread is about to lock, I'll start another one for tomorrow...
Donna, Your posts sound more positive and centered than they ever have. I am glad that you are finding your path and your happiness.
Re: Dating, don't worry about it. You will meet the right person when you least expect it! Just enjoy your kids, GAL and keep your PMA up, this will attract them like moths to a light!
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
We'll see.