Too late for DB, thread 7

[Sara]

You know your situation best, so you should do what you think is right. I'm just saying it from a general psychological standpoint. I agree with you, you are battling his need to repeat history in his own life. It is very sad that this behavior is repeated generation after generation because it damages the child.

[cw68]

It is very sad and I hope my children don't repeat it.

I don't know if my approach is right for my situation, but it's right for my own head and I need to get my own head right at this point.

[karen43]

There are definitely people who need them. I'm just not one of them and I think we all have a tendency to look to pills to answer our problems. Perhaps that's what I'm doing with the adderall right now, but I'm not planning on being on it long-term or often. Life is ups and downs and I don't think I'd appreciate the ups as much if I didn't have the major downs with which to compare. Just my two cents.

Well, I don't look at a pills as an answer to all my problems. I take ADs, therapy, DB, exercise, etc. But as you say some people, like myself, really do need them. If you need the adderall for long-term there is nothing wrong with that. I compare it to insulin for diabetics, would you think something is wrong with someone that takes medication for that? I just see it as some people think that medication is a terrible thing, but I think if it is diagnosed and needed, like diabetes, severe depression, etc. it is probably something you should look into. I still have the downs myself, but now it is for one day, and all I am suggesting is that if you or anyone else has the downs for long-term say several weeks or months, ADs should probably be considered (imho). Karen

[cw68]

Karen, we agree on when ADs should be used, it's just not warranted in my case. I feel my life sucks right now and ADs wouldn't change that.

[cw68]

Guys, I need to take a break from this site. I think right now it's doing more harm than good as it's just feeding my obsession over my R and it's demise. Should anything exciting happen, I'll let you know. In the meantime just consider me sad, mentally fighting it and my H continuing to distance himself from me and our R.

I wish each and every one of you happiness, however that may come.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((((cw)))))))

We'll be here!

I understand!

[newnamenewlife]

Are you saying you love the site, but you're not IN love with it??

Don't go--or at least check in from time to time, OK?

All best to you!

[MichelleLT]

(((cw)))

[Kalni]

Take a break and come back to tell us how you are,

Take care
Kalni

[cw68]

H told me today it was over.

"I’m sorry, but my heart and mind are not in this marriage. I know everyone is hurting right now and I’m largely to blame, but I believe in my heart that given some time, we can all heal and go on to lead happy, healthy lives. With us together, that cannot be the case for me. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, unworthy, whatever, it just means I don’t find that the relationship between the two of us works anymore. I also don’t believe that it means I’m bad or mean spirited or like my father. I’m certainly not perfect, but I feel I’m a good person a good father and that I will continue to do my best to be a decent human being.

I know you hate hearing this and don’t want to accept that things are over, you don’t feel I have done enough to try to save us, etc. I understand all that, but at this point, I can’t do anything else for us a married couple. Again, I am sorry and I don’t take this lightly or as an easy route to happiness. I’m physically ill as I type this, but I also know that it is the path I have to take.

At this point, we have, although not ideal or forever sustainable, a fairly stable (and financially solvent) arrangement for us and the kids. I need to find a place to live at the end of july and at some point, you need to find a job. Those things are on the horizon, but I’m not looking to make any immediate rash changes. I don’t want to put you, me, or the kids in a bad spot when that doesn’t have to happen and I’m hoping we continue talking as we have been and work cooperatively through kid/money stuff in a way that makes the most sense for all of us.

Regardless of what you might think, I hold you in the highest respect and care about you as a human being, I will do everything I can to conduct myself in a way that demonstrates this care and respect."

I begged, pleaded, did everything DB tells you not to because I simply cannot let him just walk away. It's wrong. At the same time I realize that NOTHING I say or do will make a difference. I can DB my ass off or the opposite and in the end he is still choosing to walk away. My children's father wants to choose to not live with them at least half the time.

My life's path is not in my control. I can choose how to deal with it, but my marriage is being decided 100% by another. My children's lives are going to go the complete, exact opposite of my beliefs and that is being decided 100% by another.

I know he's said it before, but it really is over now and I don't know how to just watch him walk away. I simply cannot do it.