Holy cow - we had sex!!!

[EnergyAZ]

Yeah, the title says it all.

W and I had sex for the 1st time in a LOOOOOOONG time

We have been sleeping in different bedrooms most of the past 6 months.


Anyway...last sunday I called her out on her online EA & wrote to the guy telling him to back off.

Monday she was as distant as ever, determined to get divorced and obviously irratated with me for being in 'denial' about the state of our relationship. (never in denial, I know whats up, I am just doing my best to prevent it ending)

Tuesday she was very sweet and we had a nice evening together talking about all sorts of things.

Wednesday she backslid and apologized if anything she said Tuesday night 'led me on' to thinking there might be a chance. There is no chance.

Thursday, she is sweet again. Maybe not quite as friendly as Tuesday but doesnt mention the D word

Friday night: candles, lingerie, massage oil & GOOD sex!!!

No protection, no mention if it. The only times we have had sex the past 6 months she insisted on protection and that I dont get the wrong idea - that it was just sex. This time though, not a mention of it and when climax was nearing, no apparent worries whatsoever - go for it, just like the old days on BC. She is no longer on BC though

Afterwards, I feel her pulling away. She seems to have something on her mind and wants to sleep in a different bedroom.

I of course let her and try not to let on to my disappointment. She has a training class the next day and wants to ensure proper rest while I can toss/turn/snore so I accept her excuse and go sleep in a different room


Ummm....as wonderful the sex part was the whole sleeping in different rooms was unexpected.

I try not to get too up/down but this was especially odd. Nothing even close to this over the past 6 mos.

[AnonymousJane73]

Ok, first off... remember- BABY STEPS!!! The sex part, is good, IMO.

Now, speaking from a woman's perspective...

Her fight is in herself, period. It has nothing to do with you. It is soooo painfully obvious to me after reading many of your posts and your interaction. She is only tormenting herself with her own determination to 'fight' what she knows in her heart to be true... how do I know this? Because I am a woman, and believe me, she wants to appear cold and callus, even calculated, roll things off her back, etc etc... but her view point is being ruled by her emotions, pure and simple. Therefore, she ventured, reached out to you, had unprotected sex, then realized that she's 'suppose to be mad at you', withdrew and retreated... confused. Not all that uncommon for someone who is determined to win at what they fell is a power struggle or battle of wits, IMO.

Now, I have to mention something about that unprotected sex, because, I know it all to well. This may be (or not, could be a conscious decision, who knows with woman) her unconscious way of 'creating a connection' by means of 'if I get pregnant, than I'll have another excuse to prevent me from leaving.' That takes the pressure off of HER, and displaces it on to what's best for the children... now I have, instead of one child, CHILDREN with this man. It's similar to the girls who get pregnant thinking it's going to 'fix their relationships' mantra. But, and there is always a but... something they regret later, because their struggle is within themselves, not you.

I could be totally wrong, but I just have a gut feeling on this one.

Remember... baby steps. Slow and steady, mate.

[EnergyAZ]

Yeah, I couldnt help but view it as a positive. I have not seen that side of her in a long time.

Now I will not assume she is willing to reconcile and work through things until she specifically says so. But its hard not to have extra pep in my step today.

And for all I know, I could be totally playing too much into things.

I guess I just have to wait and see which wife comes home tonight.


PS - I doubt she would get prego because of a subconcious desire to use it as an excuse to stay. As crazy as she seems to me at times, she is pretty level headed. Its not impossible, just improbable IMO

[AnonymousJane73]

Well, I wasn't meaning that she was actually THINK this, no. But we woman have these things called biological clocks and I can tell you... I did not want kids, until I hit 30. And let me just say... tic toc, tic toc, tic toc... I have no control over this one. LOL.

We woman have our biological clocks, and you men have autonomic nervous system... we're even!

[EnergyAZ]

I hear ya, and it was true with her as well. Prior to 30 she didnt think she wanted a child, but after that it was baby baby baby baby

I am just hopeful that it wasnt her biological clock speaking, but more a symbollic act of trust.

Or perhaps its wishful thinking and I am just reading way too much into all this & maybe for my own good I should just look at it as one very, very nice evening and leave it at that. Keep taking it day by day and not assume a thing.

[TwinDad]

PS - I doubt she would get prego because of a subconcious desire to use it as an excuse to stay. As crazy as she seems to me at times, she is pretty level headed. Its not impossible, just improbable IMO

Great night EnergyAZ! Though I have to agree with Jane, the struggle is definitely within her. My W has been going through something very similar. Just a few montsh ago she was going from wanting a D to wanting to move to a different part of the country and have another child.

The good news is she obviously has quite a bit of love for you, she is just trying to act the part like Jane said of being mad at you. Also, you have some good teamates on your side now that kept you from chasing her in the bedroom when she wanted to sleep by herself etc and who will help you if she decides to backslide a little bit.

I would take it as a positive baby step, but I would remain cautiously optimistic.

[still in shock]

I'd be careful of the unprotected sex part. I have a friend that decided to divorce her husband after their first child, but stayed with him long enough to have a second child. She had no intention of working out their problems. She wanted their first child to have a sibling with the same father. She divorced him soon after their second was born.

The sex part is good though, although I don't think having another child will do much to help your situation. Just be cautious of the whole biological clock idea mentioned previously.