Thanks for the support. I'm glad you think I did this pretty well. As for the OM (aka the Snake), I'm not so sure he's completely gone. I think he's still around, but for some reason, not as strongly as before.
Yes, I didn't have a clue I was behaving in a negative way until I went to therapy. In fact, when I first started therapy, I was still resisting it as I was convinced that W needed to change, not me. I didn't think I had any problems at all.
However, I did discover I'm a bit obsessive and a control freak of sorts b/c of my scattered childhood. I've also learned that I've been consumed w/ a fear of abandonment since neither of my parents were emotionally or physically available. I carried over this fear to my marriage as I would be terrified that W would leave me and thus would act in a controlling way toward her. Again, I didn't have a single clue I was doing any of this whatsoever until therapy. So, the therapy is a great move for me regardless of what happens w/ my M.
I too think I'll need to continue to be remorseful of hurting W and continue to show her I'm different now that I understand what it was I was doing that made her feel this way. My actions will have to prevail and it will take a considerable amount of time for that to happen. I'm willing to continue to work and be patient. Now the question is whether W is willing to do so as well.
As far as forgiveness of W, I can forgive her of all that she's done, but only if she's willing to retract the lies. We can work out anything together, but I can only meet her 1/2 way. She'll have to show that she wants to come the other 50% for it to work for us. Yesterday was a bit of a movement, so we'll see where it leads.
BTW-you said:
Quote:
it never ceases to amaze me lately how much hurt we can inflict on another person because of love.
I so totally agree, especially when we don't love ourselves 1st.
