Hi Tink; To answer your question about the "shoe drop"; well, I mean that I worry I'll find out about another woman or something and have to go through the shock and pain again like when I found out he was on a dating website just a couple of weeks after he left me. He had denied any desire to "look" for anyone else and at the time was also being very mean to me. I still don't know if he ever had an EA or a PA with anyone but it's things like that happening that make me worry. I also came over to the house unexpectedly a couple of months ago to find him rushing off to a party without his ring on. I then saw a handwritten invitation for this party on the fridge with a woman's writing on it. So...lots of suspicions even if I have never had solid proof. The problem is, the "shoe drops" just devastate me. Oh and the porn on the computer when he denied it all these years when I'd ask him if he had indiscriminately been "peeking";;shoe drop; shoe drop. It has so much to do with a lack of trust in how honest he really ever was with me. I am still grieving over the man I thought I married, so how do I just blindly smile and trust the person he is now? I just don't know how to do this friend thing. Its so hard. Today when we talked I just felt such a loss. It's almost WORSE when we talk even if it does help rebuild some kind of friendship. I'm trying to let go and concentrate on me but the missing my spouse is always hanging over my head. Maybe I'm just having a bad week. Do over!
