He's "done". Period.

[7 Year Itch]

So sad. I got an email about an hour ago from the person I was supposed to interview with tomorrow that she now decided to hold off on hiring anyone ,and sorry she wasted my time. I'm so bummed. It was the FIRST thing that felt positive in the last 2 months ,and I felt like it could be such a great opportunity.

H has been gone helping a friend move rock all day, and I'm dreading him getting home and telling him. I feel like such a loser. And I felt like he was feeling positive about it too, and had even said he'd put off filing to see if this could really develop into something good for me. Now I'm back to the search, and I feel like H is going to be all anxious again.

Yesterday we had such a nice day. Our local rodeo is this weekend, and we go each year. We both wanted to take the girls and it didn't make sense to drag them out there twice, so we agreed to all go together yesterday. It was the FIRST day that felt semi normal in the last 2 months. We got along the whole time, the girls had a great time. We all got goofy and bought cowboy hats, and just generally had a nice time. We started with the parade at 10 am, and by the time the girls were toast from the day, we didn't get home until almost 4pm.

I felt so close to him, and probably screwed up because last night I asked him if I could hug him. To which I got a big sigh and a "I guess so. I don't want you to take it wrong though". To which I said... "I just had a really nice day with you today, and am feeling close to you." To which he said he had a nice day too, and it was a lot of fun.

Still no hope being given to me at all. But it was nice.

Back to the job thing. I'm so bummed. I just really felt like if I could do this, feel like I was planning for a future that might not include him, maybe I'd get feeling a bit better. Now I feel like I'm right back where I've been.

I'm just very down today.

Chris