Where am I at in this thing?

[EnergyAZ]

So my W stopped by with friend, showed me some pics of some cars she is looking at, so we talked about that for a few min. I got the light on the truck fixed and she was happy about that. Said she would call later or tomorrow to see when we can do more car looking.

I kinda feel she might have brought a friend along as a 'buffer' which is good thing IMO. Obviously this friend knows was going on in her life and I am sure they discussed things when they left, and as long as things went as smooth during this visit as it sounds, I can only imagine what was said afterwards between them was good.

Here is where things get to me: she looked so beautiful and getting to see her in person it always makes me get a strong urge to talk about us. Resisting this temptation is damn hard. I feel like other people and priorities are more in her life than I am at all, but I guess for her and now that is normal I think, it just really sucks a lot. She is so beautiful to me looks wise and in many other ways as a person too.

Aint that the truth! And it stinks to think we ever took love from such goddesses for granted. And I hear ya loud and clear on the not talking about the R. I slip on this a lot, but I regret it every time because it only becomes an uncomfortable thing for both of us. We both know what time it is: We love them dearly, they want to move on. There really isnt much more than can be said without things being awkward or potentially get upsetting.

And we do have to accept that right now, we arent very high on the priority list. They put so much into our marriages in the past that right now, things are more about them than they are us. Like you said, this is normal. Its not fun for us, but its normal. And just knowing that I and many others out in the world are going through similar situations & feelings lets us know we arent as 'alone' as we sometimes feel.

I don't think I'm in the clear by far and this may be a long road to recovery, but we have had some positive interaction this weekend and she hasn't mentioned D in a good while. I think she is trying to figure things out. Besides our counselor I'm pretty sure she doesn't have as many resources of support or the support system that I do cause she is trying to do a lot of it on her own. Anyway seeing her and the pain that fallows when she leaves, sometimes it makes me want to cry just cause I miss her, her touch, her love, her daily presence and so on. I noticed that she seem to have this blah kinda non-peaceful not totally happy look on her face. I think she may be finding out that running and doing what she wants will only bring temporary happiness but it will not fill the void that her H does. This is also one reason I have backed off for her to do what she wants. I am going do my best to stay focused on me, continue to learn, and pray for both of us that God will restore our marriage and we will reconcile. Deep down I have a good feeling about this, just don't know the when, but God does!

I think you have the right ideas here. Even though you may have some fairly pleasant encounters, we cannot assume it means anything until these women specifically say it does. We cannot allow ourselves to think that just cause they are nice, or sweet, or even flirtatious: that it means anything more than these girls are just natural sweethearts. But we can be delighted in the fact that behavior could not be considered a bad sign!

Yes, she too is in a place of self awareness and for years had relied on you in many ways in life. This is a chance for her to prove to herself that she is capiable of living without being dependant on anyone for anything.

For those (like myself) who did have an opportunity for independant living, once that question is satisfied (can I do this alone?) then it becomes rather...boring, lonely, and unsatisfying. After all, we humans are social creatures and enjoy sharing together. And all we can really hope for our ladies is that they may come to the realization that, yes - they can fend for themselves and live independantly..why bother when life is more enjoyable sharing experiences? (my wife has not left the house yet, so she hasnt been able to answer this question for herself. When things are going well, she still wants to try to see if she can...I know she can, but she doesnt know that, so it kinda sucks. She very well might still leave me dispite all these efforts, just to satisfy that curiosity)

My girl felt I did not allow her input on many things in life. I have control issues that I need to work out and am trying to do so. This really helped fueled her desire to live on her own, do her own thing without anyone arguing against what she wants. One of my obsticles is to show her that her opinions are important to me and that I do want and need her help when it comes to making decisions around the house and our lives.

I am wondering if her facial expressions are actually more about self conflict than they are discontent? She very well may be enjoying her new found sense of freedom, but in the same light, when she sees you and you are NOT acting like the guy she left, but the guy she originally fell for....well, thats gotta be confusing.

Honestly, I dont want to get your hopes up - but I share similar sentiment that you could very well reconcile if things continue to go as they had been. But time always goes slower when you are starring at the clock...so try to keep yourself occupied, develop new hobbies/interests that will make you a more well rounded, diversified, and therefore interesting person.