Ian- We know that the optimal situation is to have two committed parents raising their children together. And we remember what that felt like--it IS so much easier. Everything that was done with two sets of hands now has to be done with one.
But you have found a reason to smile again, get in touch with a forgotten aspect of who you are. You are both adults (I hope!!), and have gone into things eyes wide open. Have fun. Its not a matter of feeling older/younger, but experiencing different parts of you. I remember a glipse into that a few years ago when I went on a training where I was easily 10 years older than everyone else, but just blended into the group for work and social things. I felt like I took a trip in a time machine.
Both "lives" have value, but I know how hard it is to manage them. Me, I would like to have some time for that other life, but only get 4 nights a month. I want more, but hate being away from my kids, so that will take precendence for now. When they are older, I might be able to tolerate more time away, and then I hope the schedule might change--we'll see.
Are you feeling guilty for adapting to the schedule as it is right now? Because it is ok to be ok...
Or are you feeling less ok when it is your turn to take the kids, than when you are on your own?
Either way, we still all know that you are a good man...
