Too late for DB, thread 7

[cw68]

Sara, you're awesome. Actually, all you guys are awesome and I feel very fortunate to have your support.

I have my internal deadline of July 14. Until then I am going to go with my heart and my morals and let him know that I am here for him, that I believe we can make a new life together, but I am putting a lot of distance between us. After that, I'm filing for legal separation and letting the cards fall where they may.

Whether or not this is DBing or the even the best course of action, I don't know, nor do I care. This is what my internal moral compass tells me to do. There is a big part of me that just feels my H doesn't know what unconditional love is. I'm giving him a little longer to see it. Regardless of what he chooses, I know that it's what I need to do. Part of it is that when my children are older and want to know what/how this happened, I can tell them and show them what I believe spouses and parents should do for each other. I also need this extra time to really set my feet firmly.

I'm looking at a house that's for sale in my neighborhood tomorrow. Of course, I'm not near ready to buy anything, but I need to know what my next future may be and what kind of a house I could afford on my own. The planner in me needs to do this so I don't plan my H's steps for him. I need to see a big empty space that I can make mine to know that that's possible. Strange, perhaps, but real to me.

I just smudged my house. I'm really hoping that it clears the air of all negativity. I'm also going on a liquid protein fast for 24 hours to clear my body. (Not unhealthly, protein meal replacements with fruit, fiber and calcium. More of a mental thing than physical. It's not going to be a bad thing for my body for 24 hours.) Kind of a throw-back to the old, non-suburban CW68 I guess. Rediscovering my roots in ways.