I know I'm still married - although it sure as hell doesn't feel like it! I guess I see my W so resolved to D that I feel like I need to actively take steps to free myself from our emotional connection in order to protect myself.
Thanks for recognizing that W has some growing up to do. I feel the same. This has happened before and at that time she DID count her lucky stars and things were great again. But now we're back at the same spot under identical circumstances. So...
smw - don't know if you'll see this, but I'm not looking at GAL as a way to move on to someone else. Just theoretically thinking of what my options are.
I have to admit that since my sitch started I read the "Modern Love" article in the NYT's styles section - I know, I know, I'm a real sensitive modern guy, huh? Anyway, here's an interesting bit from today:
Quote:
We've grown up in an age of rampant divorce and the accompanying tumult. The idea that two people can be happy together, maturing alongside each other, seems as false as a fairy tale. So when a relationship ends, it isn't seen as bad. It's held as evidence that the relationship was never any good to begin with.
Maybe it's just that we have learned nothing can compare to the perfect moment of the unexpected hookup — wet lips on the beach, lying in the sand — and so we aim to accumulate as many as possible. Or maybe we're simply too immature to commit. That has been the rap against guys forever, but now women think the same way. With the world (and the world of sex) at our fingertips, it's difficult to choose, to settle, to compromise.
But I do occasionally wonder: If we can't get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store? A generation of selfish go-getters fueled by nothing more than our own egos, forever seeking that rare dose of self-esteem? An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?
Hope W reads that - lol. Well, thanks as always for offering advice. As I've said before, I come here to vent and theorize and spout and generally play out everything that pops into my mind. This isn't how I'm actually living, so don't worry - I'm not melting down or anything. I'm not heading out to the bars looking for a quick hook-up. Just plowing along.
But again, the hard part for me right now is deciding to go dark or be a friend. 2 very different ways to handle things. Going dark feels unnatural, but deep down I think W needs to REALLY miss my friendship in order to think about what the loss of that really means. And she probably won't as much as I'd like for her to, but I think she will a little and maybe it'd be enough. I don't know.
