You are not a fake, or a loser! I know you already know that, but I just wanted to remind you!
It's sad that things that should be fun bring back memories that make them a lot less fun. Maybe this passes, in time? I don't know.
Try not to think of your kids as being one parent short, because you'll blame yourself, or your H, or both, and be bitter. They don't need that, and neither do you. It's not a situation you've chosen, it's not the situation you want, but don't let it destroy you, and do your best to get them through it, too!
Your situation frustrates me, because I think he really does want to come back, he wants to be with you. But is doesn't know how, or he's afraid, or something. I wish I could explain it. Keep being you, and keep the channels open, as you have. I think that as things get more "real" he might really start to think, I haven't given up on him!
