custody hearing on friday -- so scared

[phbear316]

Maryangela

SG asked me to come over to your stitch. And since I respect SG, I think she knows in some way I can help you.

First I want to say, some things,

So, you have panic attacks, so what. Don't we all. I had one just last week. Makes us no less human honey.

You got a letter from a physician, and therapist showing you are receiving treatment. Good for you way to go. Don't see anything wrong with that. I go to therapy every week. Nothing wrong with that, has helped me put my mind straight that i am not this terrible person I believed I was in my head. Has helped me deal with anger and sadness. SO far you are doing things great.

The 9/11 issue, I lost three friends all PAPD officers, I live in NJ and look see the NYC skyline every day and you I never really look at it anymore. I hurts to for its not the same. But I have over time like you with journaling healed and truly mourned my friends who I lost so suddenly. I just up to a month ago could not listen to bagpipe music, it would send me into a panic for all it meant to me was saddness, I would just start to cry, first note played. I could not listen to the song going home. Until I meet a bagpiper, who opened my mind again to them. I know it sounds crazy but he told me the meaning of the song, and it had words to it believe it or not and the words are truly beautiful. I learned to trust something again.

You need to start trusting yourself, you can and will get thru this, with you head held so high.

My H made me feel so worthless for I could not have children, (multiple miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy) God blessed you with a D, find your strength in her and move on.

She is just three, and totally confused. If you really stop and think and took a survey of all the moms here, who have young children, they all have the same issue. The kids have a great time with other parent for there are no rules, they can do what they want eat what they want, etc. So when the time is done having fun, the other parent is left with having to get them back on schedule, back into routine. Be the so called task master. Who really pays the price, the child and the parent who has to reset the whole undoing of the other parent. (not bashing the other parent).

You are a good mom, the proof of it is in your heart and shows in your D.

You are giving up your control by letting your h make the rules. NO, stop it.

you need to make rules and boundaries. AND YOU CAN DO THIS. It has taken multiple 2x4's to the head from SG and others here for me to see it. Even though I don't have children with h, he was still having his cake and eating it too.

Go for sole custody, you can do this. SHOW HIM YOU ARE STRONG. SHOCK HIM, show him you are sooooooo much stronger than the ever, ever, ever thought.

Go right now and look in the mirror, and say, i am strong, i am beautiful, i can get thru anything that comes my way.

Believe me I never thought I was strong, never, it had taken time, but I am better than H, my head is held high, I am not looking at the floor anymore. I used to. I felt so lower than low a few months back, I actually thought I would take my own life for I had nothing to strive for to live for. Till I broke down, and then told myself this is not me, I picked my self up, dusted myself off, and now I stand up with my head held high. Knowing in my heart and head, I am doing what is right for me. Someone here told me I was being mentally abused by my H and you know she was right.

I am done being less than what my H thinks I should have been, could have been or wanted me to be. YOU need to do that to.

YOU can do this. YOU can, listen if I can so can you.

We will all be here with you step by step, ask us questions, vent to us, there are good people here, lean on us, and on other people your friends, go out go to a book store, take your D out for the day. Wrap you arms around her and happy times. for it may seem so dark right now, trust me, it gets better and brighter and the sun does shine again

hugs
bear