Update: I have had a pretty weird weekend. But overall it turned out good.
On Friday, I told my H I wanted to go with all my friends down to a new grand opening of a tavern owned by my older brothers best friend. My H said he would be in the pub across the street becuase he knows he is not welcome there (which isnt true, but that is how he feels).
So I went, and my H text me and said he wasnt at the pub, and instead he went with his younger cousin to a house party. I said "o.k.". He text back "if this makes you mad I can go to the pub". And before I got that message he text again and said "whats the problem hon". So I text him back and said "There is no problem, I just feel wierd because his roofers are at the bar I am at and they were just hitting on me.
So like ten minutes later my H showed up at the bar we were all at. He asked me which one of his crew was hitting on me and I said it was the one with the shaggy hair - but when I told him who my H was - he walked away politely. It was still awkward though. My H went up to the kid, and the kid said "hi" and my H said to him " your the reason I am here". I felt really wierd and I told my H that this is a problem to me : that he cant find it in him to come to a place all of his old friends are at unless if there is a problem with something one of his new freinds does.
While I said this, a long term acquaintance of both of us was standing next to us. She spoke up, and said to my H that this was absolute crap, and that she would be just as mad and she doesnt know how I can even handle all the things he puts me through. My H was shocked, becuase this girl has always been really cool to both of us, and she was digging into him hard. My H went with his roofers across the street to the pub. And I stayed there. He text me again and said a lot of really nasty things like I was being a coward, and that I blame him for all the bull Sh*t. Then he started asking (begging) me to go over to his apartment and talk with him. I said "no, I have been drinking and we know how that can turn out, so not tonight and call me tommorow".
He persisted, and finally I gave in. I met up with him and told him right away, that I dont think it is good for us to argue when we have both been drinking. We argued anyways, and I started to walk away and so did he. Ten minutes later he found me and talked me into coming back with him to his place. I did. We finally talked more like adults and I think I got some important points across to him. I finally got to vent to him all the things I listed in the posts I wrote up above this one. It felt good to tell him how I really feel. He agreed with a lot of it, and said he understands why I am so frustrated and how this isnt easy on me.
That night, after we actually made some progress talking we had some of the greatest sex ever. I think this actually really helps us to bond more and get closer right now. I stayed the night at his place. He worked the next day. Then at night he invited me to go out to a really high class fancy restaurant with him. We had a great time and he talked so openly with me, it felt really good. The owner of the restaurant knows my H through business and he gave us a 300$ gift card to his restaurant out of the blue. It was really cool, and it was nice to see someone who respects my H because not so many people do anymore. Then we went home to my place and watched movies all night.
Overall we had a good weekend, and he still is fighting to stay with me even when i get infuriated and try to walk away. It is like we both know we have great love for each other, but our relationship is so rocky and it has a lot of things we need to work through, but I think he is willing to slowly go through it. One of our biggest problems now is all of my freinds who used to be his friend also, dont like him or want to give him a chance anymore. But all of these people never left my side and they were all there for me in so many ways this last year, I just feel so torn. TIPPER
