Oh Hum seems to be a thing to do

[EnergyAZ]

Forgive me, but I am having a hard time understanding

You are saying she is going to move 1,000 miles away to be closer to her mother, but has not set a date for that move? But she is packing and preparing?

Where is she staying now? Still in the home with you, or has she gotten temporary housing until she leaves?

Its normal for the WAS to appear very calm and collected and firm in thier decision. They did not make this decision over night. They have already shed thier tears and have emotionally moved on to the point they are excited about the new life they are getting ready to have.

While we LBS tend to feel blindsided, for whatever reasons we did not see this coming. We knew our marriages might not be perfect, but we may have underestimated how badly our spouses felt and when the bomb drops we are stunned at both the news as well as how calm, cool, and collected they seem about informing us.

I advise you learn as much as you can about WAS. That helped me really understand my wife's POV which was important to me because I was baffled by her.

Having a better understanding of the WAS point of view enabled me to better identify the things I did over the years to contribute to that.

And once I was able to identify the things I did, I took ownership and vowed to address these issues because if I did not, I likely would wind up in a similar boat again in the future.

It is not overnight decision for a person to decide to end a marriage. And its certainly not overnight to improve to the point the other is willing to try again. This is something you simply cannot put a time frame on. And no matter how genuine our attempts at improving ourselves and reducing/eliminating some of the bad habits we have - there is zero gurantee it is going to result in our loved ones trying again.

The only thing that is safe to say in this regard is that if one geniunely takes the steps to improve aspects about themselves..for themselves (and any loved ones who benefit - great!)...that we are better people in the end for our efforts.

Its a very difficult time of course, but its up to us if we allow it to tear us to pieces or learn to grow into stronger individuals.