He left then Cheated ---Now What???

[No Longer BH]

I found this post on another board and thought it might help people hee. It helped me after reading it:

THE MYTH OF HAPPINESS


More than any other element of the midlife transition we hear these words more than any other, “I am unhappy”. No other area is this heard more than in Marriages that have often survived or thrived for two decades or more. Why is the element of happiness the critical issue so many of us face in mid-life?

Very often a spouse entering a midlife transition on the verge of crisis has been assessing their life and the issue of personal happiness in the marriage becomes forefront in their assessment. A spouse may hear these words, “I have been unhappy in our marriage for two years” and the number of years increases as more time is given to the assessment. More often than not there is blame cast upon the spouse for their lack of happiness. Why?

Somewhere in our assessment we begin to miss a very vital factor. This factor is of utmost importance for us to understand. This factor is that failure to be happy is my own problem.

Dr. Henry Cloud indicates that “Many couples are swept up in the fantasy that happiness is the supreme goal of marriage.” He continues, “But in reality, happiness is not a good goal for life or marriage. A much better goal is growth, and one of the by-products is happiness.”

The happiness myth is in that we very often rely upon our spouse to provide the happiness we seek in our marriage. The reality is that by so doing we are really giving them too much power over our own wellbeing; power that they do not have. Our own happiness is our own responsibility. There is much danger to our selves in making another person responsible for our own happiness. It causes us to waiver in our decisions, to be moved by feelings more than facts, and creates a dependency upon the other that they were never intended to carry.

Reassess today whether you have been depending on the other for your personal happiness. Think deeply about this. Do you find yourself reacting to that person rather than responding out of personal character? Do you find that your mood shifts in keeping with their actions toward you? Do you find that you are making your life-decisions based on your appraisal of how the other is making you feel?

Ask if your marriage is burdened with the “happiness myth”. Has one of you been expecting the other to make him happy and fulfilled? Also, is one of you blaming the other for her unhappiness?

If this “happiness fantasy” is alive and well in your marriage, agree today (agree together if possible) that the fantasy must die so that real love can live.

The far nobler goal of life and marriage is the goal of “growth” than the fleeting goal of “happiness”. At the end of the day, growth, both personal and together, will produce the happiness you long for.
Bust the MYTH of “Happiness” today!