I will interject something here...no matter if we reconcile or move on we are still going through a grieving process...by working on you to better yourself...by hoping that maybe one day you can work with H on an improved marriage is all part of the process...when I was where you are now I wanted so much to "feel loved again"...it is a human NEED...but what many fail to realize is that during this same time we really are not in a position to give our love to someone else...we need to give that love to ourself...and we need to realize that our spouse is not the ONLY person who loves us...we have our Creator (if you believe in God)...we have our family...we have our friends...
The whole matter of DB'ing is not manipulating things to get our spouses back...it is working on ourselves to make us a more desirable friend, sister, daughter, and hopefully wife again...in the process we learn about ourself more...we learn about others more...we gain strength so that IF our spouse doesn't return we are still living a happy life...part of this many of us is realizing that we can and always should have had a life apart from our mate...to learn that it doesn't take someone else to make us complete!...we need to be complete within ourself...happy, content...so many of us, especially women become so identified in our roles of mom and wife that we forget ourself!...and that makes us a target for strained M/R's... vulnerable...weak...unattractive...needy...desperate...
Do you see where I am going here???
I felt so much like you when all this happened...we all did...some of us did repair things, in time...usually a very long time...an amount we thought we could never survive alone...and those that didn't have spouses return realized they were OK and they were going to make it on their own...that they were happy...this is a process to help US
