I know in my heart that if I end up D it's because my H was still to broken to give love. What does that say about the type of R he is having w OW?
Yep, I think most of our WAS are dysfunctional and messed up. Plus the OP are just as messed up & dysfunctional, if not more so, or they would not be having affairs with married men (and some with children). That's why they have statistics like 90% of these affairs don't last, which makes sense. Plus, add in the whole fantasyland type of thinking that the WAS that they will have a perfect life without us which is not ever going to happen.
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The worst part is the dreams at night. I wake up crying becasue I keep having these dreams where all is wonderful betweenus again. Every morning is a crushing blow. I really hate it.
I have the dreams too. Although night before last, the 2 dreams I had were of me moving on and finding new love, a man that was nice and caring. I woke up really happy actually! I think some of that just comes with time and working on detaching.
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I have to admit that sometimes I wonder if by coming here and posting if I am keeping a dead dream alive and not allowing myself closer. I REALLY want to have hope but is it costing me too much? It just seems that the numbers are stacked against us, most dont come back.
What I'm trying to do now is just think to myself that he is not coming back and I have to move on. If he changes his mind, then I would love to work on us. It's just soooo hard to take this path, especially when all you ever dream of is having their arms around you again.
I think part of the process just takes time, no matter what you do you have to go through some pain. Posting here makes me feel better, see my friends here who know what I'm going through, plus I am only totally honest with my DB friends about how I feel about stuff which I think is good for me. But if it isn't like that for you and you are just having pain and sadness when you come here, maybe you should take a break from the boards here.
I think you are having a good attitude, detaching is good for you and realizing that you will still be OK no matter what happens. And I do like having hope, b/c sometimes it gets me through the day. I don't see anything wrong with being a hopeful, optimistic person! Karen
I think some of that just comes with time and working on detaching. 
