H is having affair after all - part 3

[Jen_Jam]

It very much sounds to me like he's an alien. Because....

1. was good looking - now looks wrecked (my H looked bad too)
2. easy to talk to - not now
3. free spirit - now has the weight of the world on his shoulders

does it seem to you like he is not the guy you married? it's highly possible he's been taken over by an alien and it's making him unhappy. You can see it, I can see it, he can see it too but looks to external factors to pass the blame to it onto.

When something is wrong in life, I ask myself "what have **I** been doing to create this situation? what can **I** do to change it?" For example, one of my best friends had been really off with me. At first I thought "she's moody" then I had a good think about it, realised I hadn't been contacting her as much as I used to, so I talked to her, she said she did feel a bit shelved by me, so I apologised and now we are back on track.

Your H is looking to place the blame for his current misery on those around him. You are the nearest so are nice and convenient to do that to. Fair? No WAY!!! But please don't get angry about it, he is to be pitied more than anything. If he could take a good long look at what he has been doing and decide to do things differently in order to get what he wants he'd fine life improving dramatically. But he can't do that at the moment. Poor s*d.

He won't talk to his brother about it - guilt maybe? Of course your H feels bad, and he doesn't like to be the bad guy.

OK - hope for your M. What I am about to say might hurt. No, not while he is like this, the alien. But then would you let an alien into your house? What I mean is while H is in alien mode then your M won't work, BUT if he comes out of it then yes. But you probably realise this, in the fact you state there is a lot of work to be done. He isn't ready for this. Will he ever be? I can't say. Should you give up? Only if YOU want to. I am certainly NOT saying that you shold give up (there have been some posts where people have been told they should give up, I am NOT one of those people), it's up to you and I for one will support you and help you with whatever you decide. Even if that means run away to the circus and have a string of toyboy lovers lol

I've written about H a lot. I'm going to drop him now cos he is still in alien mode. I had one as well, and there was very little I could do to pull my H out of it. In fact, I found that each time I tried to "fix" him it would push him deeper into alien mode. He had to have his own personal timescale to come out of it.

Onto you - good that you are stating positives. Hope your hair looks good now (I am getting mine tidied up next week at last!) and you don't get into too many knots in the yoga! LOL. If you can, check out the threads of SDFoundGirl. She was one of my rocks in my crisis, and she is a GAL master. Her posts were very inspirational, and made me laugh out loud many times. They often took the format "I went here and I did that and I had a lovely time then I did this at home and really enjoyed it and H was stuck in his alien mode, oh well, nevermind, at least I really enjoyed myself ha ha!"

I know it's difficult with the money side of things as well, i can't advise there, but I am a keen money saver myself (I joke that it's my Scottish roots) so check out Money Saving Expert (google it) for tips on saving a few quid. Might help a bit.

OK - I'm off now. a lovely sunny Sunday awaits the UK. I am going to spend it mostly in the garden and I'm making strawberry shortcake later mmmmmm. WW is out the window, I am trying Paul McKenns'a book now, seems to be working OK as I am getting fuller quicker. I one day will regain my figure!!!!

take it easy Eve

JJ X