Florie, While being detached is a good thing, being kind to him, when you are able, is also helpful. I like that you offered for him to share your meal. I bet he appreciated that. Also, if you two interact better via email, then maybe emailing is the best way to communicate at this point. Do what works...
I agree with Plenty! I don't think being detached means you have to be unfriendly which is how I've seen some people interpret that. I am friendly and happy when I see my H (as I am with everybody) but my way of detaching is to try to limit seeing my H and when I do see him try to leave first after a few minutes or less! I do agree that email can be a good way to communicate esp. if you are teary or get upset or whatever. When we do email my H and I tend to be a lot calmer and more logical and you can think about what you are communicating more before you say it or send it or whatever. I do think you have to try to limit emails too though, sometimes we do tons of them and I do try to limit them to emails re: the kids, bills, and important stuff (although that is very hard for me!!!)
You mentioned how your H thinks he is going to be happier when he moves out. I remember my H was like that too; he kind of blamed me for everything like when he lost his keys or his being sloppy (thought he'd become a neater more organized person when he moved out but it didn't happen). H thought life will be less stressful, he was going to have more time, more money, be happier, etc. Basically they are in fantasyland or something. I have never seen my H happier than the day he moved out; I think he thought his new wonderful life was going to begin with OW! And I have never seen him happy since then! H realized that he would have less $ with double the bills, I think he misses the kids, and it's not quite the perfect life they imagine (of course)! So I wouldn't worry that your H is going to be so much happier. Plus, I found out that I was a lot happier without H and his OW, criticizing, yelling, etc. I think he was surprised to see how happy and great I am doing! Karen
