Moving Forward 3

[lodo]

Back from montana. Not much to update on. W is having her party tonight but I'm not going. Haven't called, didn't wish her happy b-day, didn't give present. I feel like to move on I need to end our friendship. Maybe it can be re-formed in the future, but not now.

Of course I'm divided - looked back over DB today. Part of me says, "be the friend, be there for her" and the other part says "she's decided it's done and hell will freeze over before she reverses her decision", so I don't know what to do. Currently it's going dark - never done that before. She no longer acts like she's involved with OM, but indicated earlier that it was EA, so who knows.

I guess the bottom line is that I don't know what's going on anymore. She wants to be friends and rely on our closeness when she wants to, but then she wants to be alone and enjoy her own path. She says she can't return to "that unhappiness" of our M, but part of it was her making and I've been trying to change things, but can't without her involvement - she's clinging to past.

Of course, I stopped trying after she said she wanted to pursue a R with OM back in March. We've been drifting since then.

I don't know. Don't know why I'm writing this, don't know how to act towards her, don't know how long to wait before I date again. Just don't know.

[kat727]

I think you'll just know when it is time. You will have fully let get or as close to that as possible at the moment. My H and I have been seperated about a year and a half. I couldn't even say seperated until this fall. Anyway, I notice guys but I also know what I want and I don't think I should have to settle. Truth be told, I just want my H, warts and all, but H doesn't want me. I think I will know when I am ready, but the right person just hasn't come along.

I also think you have to keep your eyes open, I have a tendency to continue to look at the door that is closed, I may well be not seeing the one that is opening behind me.

kat

[lodo]

True - W has always been concentrated on herself, and while I deeply value the connections we have on many different levels, it sure would be nice to be with someone who'd be there for me once in a while, someone who I could trust.

[kat727]

I am really lonely in that way too. H and I had been best friends for nearly 20 years, so it is a hard betrayl to swallow. When I told him that I couldn't be his friend while she was in his life, he told me that he just drove around and cried. Guess it didn't hurt enough for him to give her up.

We should try to do a movie thing. Karen and I pick a movie, order it and then pick a time to watch it. I know you are a real outdoors type of guy, but if you ever want to let us know.

kat

[lodo]

Hmm - my W did the same thing as your H. Back in Feb when I told her I felt like I was losing my best friend she lost it. She even moved back in for 2 weeks, but wouldn't give up OM, wouldn't put energy into M, wouldn't tell me what kind of R she wanted. Big surprise - that failed.

I'm pretty eclectic in my movie tastes - would love to have a movie club! Also meant to mention - you said you liked British movies so I have to bring up two of my all time favs - "Cold Comfort Farm" and "The Madness of King George". If you can't find, let me know.

lodo

[gForce]

lodo, even if you are dropping the rope -- expect waves of indecision about it. Geez, look back at some of my old threads, I have been all over the place. I can't know what is best for you right now, I'm not going to pretend I have enough insight to recommend anything. But as long as you hold some love in your heart for her, just try to keep that door open just a crack. Don't build walls just to save face. That's what the WAS's do.

[lodo]

Obviously I've been all over the place too. I just come on here and bitch when I don't know what to do with myself, so take it all with a grain of salt.

Not trying to build walls, but just find it hard to let go when W acts like she wants my friendship but is deadset on D. I just can't go from being married to being friends and I don't understand how she can.

Anyway ... not much going on tonight. I've got this pile of work I was supposed to get done by Monday but I feel more like watching a movie.

Came across a pretty funny comic. Let's see if I can translate it - pretend like there are pictures:

__________________________________________________
HEINOUS BREAKUP: When the Relationship's in Flames

Mon: "I'll love you forever"
Tue: "We need to talk"

Taste the bitter torture of watching other happy couples!

Watch the fun begin as your friends are forced to choose sides!

Your options:
1. Priesthood
2. Republicanism
3. Decades of seething misdirected hatred
4. Doors tunes
5. Extended hours of weeping

Deciper the BREAKUP EUPHAMISMS:
"I need my space" = "Scram"
"I just want to be friends" = "Beat it"
"I'm just not ready for a relationship" = "Get lost"
"It's not me, it's you" = "It's you"
"I can't give you what you deserve" = "Go away"
"I love you, I'm just not IN love with you" = "I'm screwing someone else"
___________________________________________________________

[lodo]

Oops - that 4th euphamism was supposed to read:
"It's not you, it's me" = "It's you"

[kat727]

I'm game but gForce wants Hellboy We could always take turns picking. If you can handle some romantic comedies, I can go the man movie route!

kat
ps I'm not sure if gForce is serious about Hellboy.

[No Longer BH]

lodo, sounds like you and I are having alot of the same feelings right now. Realizing that we cant keep hanging on becasue they are hurting us so much, but finding it difficult to let go. I wish I had the answer for you, but just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you.