Back from montana. Not much to update on. W is having her party tonight but I'm not going. Haven't called, didn't wish her happy b-day, didn't give present. I feel like to move on I need to end our friendship. Maybe it can be re-formed in the future, but not now.
Of course I'm divided - looked back over DB today. Part of me says, "be the friend, be there for her" and the other part says "she's decided it's done and hell will freeze over before she reverses her decision", so I don't know what to do. Currently it's going dark - never done that before. She no longer acts like she's involved with OM, but indicated earlier that it was EA, so who knows.
I guess the bottom line is that I don't know what's going on anymore. She wants to be friends and rely on our closeness when she wants to, but then she wants to be alone and enjoy her own path. She says she can't return to "that unhappiness" of our M, but part of it was her making and I've been trying to change things, but can't without her involvement - she's clinging to past.
Of course, I stopped trying after she said she wanted to pursue a R with OM back in March. We've been drifting since then.
I don't know. Don't know why I'm writing this, don't know how to act towards her, don't know how long to wait before I date again. Just don't know.
