(((Sara))) This can't go on forever so start making plans about what you are going to do for you. What Karen says is exactly right...we have to look forward.
I wanna know about the book too????
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Why is all of this so hard? I found OW's shirt laying on my bed this afternoon. And I want to say that she is one size bigger than me (and I am a plus sized girl). Anyhow....when I found that I lost it and called H and left a not as nice as I could have been message about how her shirt better be out of the house when I get back.
When I returned home, I called H again (I know...I know...) to ask him if he was sleeping at the house tonight. He wanted to know what was going on with the D. He wanted to know if I had filed the papers and things. And told him matter of factly that since he has not stopped having an affair, I really had no choice but to go ahead and file. He just went "mmmmm." He then went into a sob story about how he is running out of money and he really needs shoes and a shirt for school because he is starting clinicals. I again told him very matter of factly, "I would love to help you out with that, but because you continue to have an affair I will not help you. If you were single and having a difficult time, it would be another story." He just says, "I understand." I know I sort of went off on him a little bit but you know what...I dont' care. It wasn't awful and the conversation ended nicely.
I just felt like he goes out of his way to hurt me more than I am already hurting.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Why is all of this so hard? I found OW's shirt laying on my bed this afternoon. And I want to say that she is one size bigger than me (and I am a plus sized girl). Anyhow....when I found that I lost it and called H and left a not as nice as I could have been message about how her shirt better be out of the house when I get back.
My H went through a phase where he was really trying to hurt me., i.e. the celebration cake and leaving stuff out for me to see. Although, you know, I have to wonder in that case if it was just b/c your H was probably wearing that shirt!!! Karen
You are a bigger person than me...I would have burnt it and left the ashes in a baggie for him to return. He may still have the legal right to be there, but her stuff doesn't.
I guess I'm just childish about that sort of thing.
Good for you for doing the adult thing. I probably wouldn't have been able to be that controlled.
The visuals I have rolling around in my head are just too funny...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
When I returned home, I called H again (I know...I know...) to ask him if he was sleeping at the house tonight. He wanted to know what was going on with the D. He wanted to know if I had filed the papers and things. And told him matter of factly that since he has not stopped having an affair, I really had no choice but to go ahead and file. He just went "mmmmm." He then went into a sob story about how he is running out of money and he really needs shoes and a shirt for school because he is starting clinicals. I again told him very matter of factly, "I would love to help you out with that, but because you continue to have an affair I will not help you. If you were single and having a difficult time, it would be another story." He just says, "I understand." I know I sort of went off on him a little bit but you know what...I dont' care. It wasn't awful and the conversation ended nicely.
I would have stayed and cranked up the guitar or some music really loud. Danced around, even banged some pots and pans and just rocked out and got happy. Hard to study with all that noise...he might not have left, but he would have completely missed study time too and maybe learned a valuable lesson.
You are definitely getting stronger--good for you!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I don't think it's at all bad what you told your H. What you did, Sara, is set a boundary and clarify it for him. The only thing I would have done is put the shirt in the trash and said nothing at all. He did it to get a reaction out of you...giving him no reaction is probably the best thing you can do. Really, it's like what you do with the attention seeking kids at school, right? You don't reward negative behavior with your attention. Same thing here.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Why is all of this so hard? I found OW's shirt laying on my bed this afternoon. And I want to say that she is one size bigger than me (and I am a plus sized girl). Anyhow....when I found that I lost it and called H and left a not as nice as I could have been message about how her shirt better be out of the house when I get back.
My H went through a phase where he was really trying to hurt me., i.e. the celebration cake and leaving stuff out for me to see. Although, you know, I have to wonder in that case if it was just b/c your H was probably wearing that shirt!!! Karen
Karen, you took the words right out of my mouth! I'm telling ya'll, he's gotta thing about wearing girl clothes. All those panties you found before were probably his, too.
What a knucklehead
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
You know what, SD, I could have done that. And a few weeks ago, I did something like that just to annoy him. But anymore, I am so sick of it. Sick of the drama and the games. If he wants to be here and study, then oh well. He won't be here much longer.
Here is my latest problem. We have a security system. I have changed the code and the password and he doesn't know what it is. This was one of the ways I was keeping him out of the house. Well he found the remote for the alarm system and with the remote you do not have to put in any numbers.
Well....I found his remote on the bed and took it. Here is the note I find at the house today:
Lost house alarm remote so don't set alarm (if changed please). Don't know new number--let me know # please.
Here is what could happen: I set the alarm tonight before I leave to sleep at my parents. H comes home and can't turn off the alarm. The alarm will go off. The security company will come over the speaker and ask for the password. H doesn't know the new password, so he will give the wrong password and the police will come to see what is wrong.
I could give H the new code (don't want to do this because he is the reason I changed it in the first place).
I could just leave the alarm off and then neither one of us has to worry about it.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Karen
