EnergyAZ I think you're probably right about the living arrangement. AnonymousJane73 it's mostly me wanting her to be more responsible. I know that you can't put anything into a time frame as much as any of us would like to.
Anyway now for an update: When I got up this morning I noticed that she sent me a text message about coming over around 8:30 to 9:00 to go do some car looking. Funny thing that I noticed was that she sent it at nearly 3:00 in the morning. Anyhow when she got here and we were getting in the truck I laughingly said are you having a hard time sleeping over there, she said yeah sometimes that air mattress goes down and I air it up, I laughed and then said well in meant when ya sent that message. Anyway so she had a girls night out, which was more in since she was just at a girlfriends house catching up on general stuff, watching a movie, and talk of a photo shoot. Course I had to ask if she would give me give me some photos afterwards and she said yes.
So car looking went pretty well she got some good ideas on what is out there and price. What caught me off guard was at lunch I made the comment that I was glad she was being patient looking around in case couple cars were gone when we look again. In which she replied that pisses me off, you tell me to be patient but if I find something I like it may be gone. Told her I was sorry didn't mean it that way. In my mind I was thinking fuel saving used cars move everyday, no promises it will be there when we look again. Other than that she enjoyed lunch. Another thing before we started I ask her what are we doing today and she said just looking. Also we didn't have our money together yet.
On another note I did ask her if we could begin to open up to one another a little and talk about us in which she replied I have said everything, well that referred to the past. I said well to be a little more specific I mean our future, so she listened and then said well I guess. I felt the need to ask something cause she hasn't and I have held back giving her space and time while being in the dark/limboland for 2 months. We arrived at the house and then shocked me again when she said that she had been thinking about it some and was wondering what the next step would be and that she wanted to get our counselors opinion on what to do. That was good to here. Well I told her that I had been thinking about it but didn't know how to bring it up and that I was also scared. Also said that I thought she might have felt that way too, she kinda nodded and said yeah.
And that last subject, once we got back she grabbed 2 swim suits to go to her friend's son birthday party. When she got here at 9:00 she said she liked the plants, but when she was getting ready to leave and the more she looked at the more pissed off she was getting thats because in the past she wanted to plant just a few flowers and we didn't. She ask me how come I did now only when she mentioned divorce. I told her that I am here by myself, lonely, bored, have a lot of pain and that I try to stay busy/occupied. I also told her that before I did it that I knew that it could go either way with her, she would hate that I did it or love it. I don't feel bad that I did it nor do I feel bad asking about us and our future. It upsets me that she is going swimming in which we haven't done in about 4 years and I just mentioned us taken the jetski to the lake a couple weeks ago. She mentioned the garden but I wanted to let her know it bothered me about the swimming. I wanted her to understand that her actions hurt me too and that my feelings shouldn't be dismissed. She was tearing up about the garden but I think she was getting it a little bit.
She said she noticed a kitty basket and was assuming that I was getting a cat, another thing that she wanted to do. I told her no, that my mom brought that over with out my knowing and that my uncle had a cute gray kitten. I don't have a cat but told her that I wasn't getting one that I knew that would hurt her and would rather wait till she came home and she picked that kitty out. She seemed more calm. Ask her for in the future if she sees anything or has a question on anything to PLEASE ask me and to not assume anything. Anyway said she needed to be going and 2 0r 3 time that she would call me later, so I guess we will see, good if she does, won't worry to much if not.
One thing she mentioned that I want to work on is this: 1. She thinks I should be more concise on time in conversations. 2. Do not repeat myself so much.
If anyone has any good ideas or remedies for these 2 issues please let me know cause I do want to work on that.
