ms ladybug SQUISHED!

[Dom R]

Ok, "solutions" post from me.
Side comment: You are SOOO lucky that you are a woman, dealing with a man. Men are easy to please, if you find out what they want. He tells you what he wants, you give it to him... he's happy! we really are that simple.

Your husband still loves you. He's giving up on you, because he doesnt believe you love HIM, enough to give him what he needs. That hurts him, so he's taking actions to cut away the hurt.

All you have to do, is show him by your actions, that he is mistaken about you.
Give him what he needs, in a consistent enough fashion that he eventually believes you'll KEEP doing that... and he will be happy.

He'll probably protest at first that he doesnt believe you'll change, and that he's done... but that's a test, of sorts. If you just ignore that, and keep doing it... eventually, he will believe you. if, you are consistant about it.
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First off, I would like to suggest that you email him back. Tell him that he is right about what he said about you, and that you are sorry that you did not treat him better.

If you mean it, that may help start the "defusing" process, better than just saying nothing to him.


After that, what I would like to suggest to you, is that you start down the long road of healing your marriage.
Until he is willing to see an MC... it's all going to be on you. The good news is, you have a road map of what you can do.


I suggest that you look at his list, and pick ONE THING to tackle at a time. Try to pick the thing that would have the biggest impact, but also something that could be shown to him as "changed", in a short time.
Then, when you find a "solution" to it, that you feel comfortable works for both of you and you can stick to... pick another thing from his list to work on.

I would like to suggest to you, if it is possible, that the first thing you might choose to work on, could be one of those "unresolved arguments that date back to when we first got married". Sometimes, the deepest hurts, are old hurts. If you manage to come up with a way to resolve even ONE of them... it will mean a lot to him.

So... email him today, "you're sorry"... email him tomorrow, about a way to resolve one of the old hurts ? Ideally, it would be an issue that you can somehow SHOW him it is resolved.
eg:
issue: "we always fought over what to do with [some silly item]".
resolution: sell it, give it back, move it to the attic, do whatever it takes to resolve it.
If you dont know how to resolve them... post the issues, and ask for suggestions.



PS: about your thinking he "doesnt want to hear anything from you right now"...
He probably doesnt want to hear arguing. because he wont trust you.

He WOULD want to hear a heartfelt acknowlegement of what he is saying, and an apology from you.
Most people would want that. But your husband even MORE, because it's the last thing he would expect from you specifically. He would NEVER expect that you of all people, would actually apologise and say you were wrong to him. Am I right on that?
If so, it would definately get his attention. It wont magically change his position... but it should at least bring him one step closer to you. To make him more willing to listen to you, the next time you say something.