If you / Don't care for it

[Kalni]

(((((Michelle)))

I don't think you'll be able to study. Go do something that requires physical activity, get the stress out.

(BTW, I agree with Jeff re the OW)

K

[mishka422]

Ditto the OW mention by him. It has to be about her at some level of his warped thinking.

Boy, wish Java City were here. We could all get together for some fun music and caffinated relaxation!

(((((Michelle)))))

[MichelleLT]

I really thought we'd passed this point. H hadn't brought up D or anything for months. The opposite even - saying he didn't want a D, he wanted to date. I wish I knew WTF was going through his head sometimes.

I wonder if OW coming home from England is triggering this? Or if his possibly upcoming deployment? Or both???

Crocodile Dundee II is on. At least I have something good to watch.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Boy, wish Java City were here. We could all get together for some fun music and caffinated relaxation!

That sounds like fun!

[AliSuddenly]

Ah, yes, shes back in late June isnt she? And as you sent the article to her saying "MY husband ...." she may have gone and put pressure on him to end it with you, to choose.

I cant help thinking that maybe you should try and accept it, let him go. What more can you do? If its meant to be, it will come back to you? Though, it will be interesting to see what he has to say on Tuesday.

I'm really sorry that he has put you through so much, raising your hopes then dashing them again.

Ali xxx

[MichelleLT]

Her finals were this last week I guess. So she may be back or on her way already. Somehow I can't see that as JUST a coincidence.

If he really does want to do the summary dissolution, and I sign it, our D will be finalized in 4 months. I feel like there's no time to turn things around, especially with him leaving. I mean, the long distance was what started all our problems to begin with!

And I'm not gonna remarry him and chance this all again. I can't do this twice.

[AliSuddenly]

I reckon you need to get to your Mum and Dads and read the letter. He said on the IM that he meant what he said, so I think you need to know what the papers are?

I was amazed that he didnt say anything to you about your grandad when he passed away (he didnt respond did he?) and he didnt reply to your message about your graduation either, another big deal, not even to say well done (he didnt did he?) so he is not in a good place. He's not even being a caring friend to you. Maybe the distance would be a good thing? He wont be with her either and she will hassle him over the Skype thingy as usual?

Try and be his friend is all I can advise. He seems to feel guilty for doing this to you, by what he said on the IM. Maybe try and make him see its ok? Someone once told me that guilt is the enemy to them coming back to the R or something. So I have been careful to be cool about everything - thats why I thought today was a backslide. I texted him to say it was fine that he was spending time with his Mum. Can you try and say something to lift the pressure off him when you see him Tuesday? Its complicated isnt it, with this financial angle and him not wanting to deceive the army, or make money off the M. Its bad timing that he's being deployed again. How long is he away for?

Ali xxx

[Kalni]

And I'm not gonna remarry him and chance this all again. I can't do this twice.

Not if I am still alive... I'll be there and I will NOT shut up when the priest asks if anyone has something to say...
K

It's one of the few times here that I am really mad.

[LolaL]

(((Michelle))) You are doing great. What is your gut telling you?

I have found that when they say the OW has nothing to do with it, it is exactly the opposite. I read this book that says that the OW, initially, is new. They think this person is going to solve all the problems. The problems, however, resurface, and the WAS wonders why. The reason is that the problems themselves were never addressed. You can run away from your problems, but they always follow.

I have to type this:

Yesterday was history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift
That's why they call it the present

A little influence from Kung Fu Panda...

[Sugar and Spice]

(((Michelle))) Saturday seems to be off to a smashing start for all.

I may not be in the right frame of mind to be giving anyone advice and God knows my DB'ing could use some serious work, but let him go. Your H reminds me of mine. I think he has no idea what he wants and is so busy trying to deny to himself that he has any issues that he keeps himself from being able to do anything productive one way or another. One day he is talking about dating and the next S. He has no idea from one minute to the next what he wants and will not take the time to sit down and take a hard look at himself and his life and take stock.

Like mine, but in a different way, your H is running away. He rewrites the past to suit whatever mood he is in and is able to continue to justify his behavior by doing so. You have been a good and loyal wife and friend to him, but he is not being a good friend back. Trust me I know how scary this is, but you can't fix him and until he is ready to be fixed (or not) you are torturing you. I'm not saying leave him or never talk to him again, I would never say that. Maybe its time to do what I need to do and break off one of the arms of the triangle and let him live with the consequences of his actions.

I'm mad for you too. Its just so damned unfair for good people like you and the others on these boards to have to be put through so much hell by the ones that are suposed to love us and cherish us. I should probably just shut up and go take a nap.

(((Michelle))) take it with a grain of salt, its been a hell of a day.