I think you were doing ok, up until the "why don't you file?" bit. He isn't ready to forgive himself. He may never be. And until he forgives himself, I don't think he can accept your forgiveness.
You said what you needed to say, and maybe a bit more, so let it drop. I'm not at all convinced that he is going to file as a result of this. I'm not sure it was a great plan, but the questions you asked him about the OW may get him thinking a bit, too.
Now you really need to take care of you. I'm feeling a real need from mindless diversion, from you, and from Michelle. If you can't go out somewhere, maybe rent a really silly movie, one you would never watch when you are sane. One that a 13 year old would love, but watch it without him. I was telling Michelle I wanted to take her to Kung Fu Panda (of course, I am too far away), so I think I'd make the same offer to you (again, I'm too far away). So, instead, maybe a juvenile movie at home, nothing with any possible romance in it!
Hard to imagine he didn't notice the girls, perhaps he is dead?
I don't think you did much harm. Although one reason I did the letter is so much H wouldn't see me crying and wouldn't be pressured to reply just then.
I think the first half was fine. And even the questions about OW. I think you really made him question some things.
(((mishka)))
Just wait and see. You can't take it back, and I'm not even sure you should - other than possibly pressuring him about why he hasn't filed yet.
Take a bath with candles and bath oil and a book. Drink some wine. Or get out and do something. Anything to make yourself feel better.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Jeff - loving the silly movie idea. I'm going to have to commandeer my son's DVD player and bring it in my room for this one. My mom stays parked in my living room so if it's not a movie she will like then I can't watch it. She really has nowhere else to go.
I've got it! I just my own copy of "The Holy Grail"! It's my favorite and H took it with him when he left. Granted, I had bought it for him as a gift a few years ago but still.....
Then, after that, I'm going to go to Starbucks and read. Sounds really good to me!
You are all so helpful. I appreciate you all more than words can ever express.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I've got it! I just my own copy of "The Holy Grail"! It's my favorite and H took it with him when he left. Granted, I had bought it for him as a gift a few years ago but still.....
Then, after that, I'm going to go to Starbucks and read. Sounds really good to me!
Hi Mishka...first time visiting your thread, but I am also the W of a man who was military (German Air Force).
I think alot of my H's problems are related to Somalia (when Black Hawk Down occurred, he was there, albeit in a different fashion). I am wondering, now, if these wars we have engaged in have had some detrimental affect on our S's.
As far as faith is concerned, I can surely understand that. You wonder why God would have put this person in your life only to take them away. I have prayed, and come up with this:
This situation may have absolutely nothing to do with us as the spouses. Although we are the ones who are being hurt, and wondering what is going on, it may actually be a period of healing that these WAS's need to make themselves stronger. Some will take advantage of the opportunity, and some will not. I believe that the ones who are truly able to focus on their own lives are the ones who will see what is important.
Keep having faith. My counselor said every time I think of my H, to just ask God to bless him. I do that. It does help.
Lola
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
That is a beautiful thought Lola. Thank you. I will ask God to bless him.
I'm really starting to have a panic attack right now. H said he wants to get together to talk when he gets back with S13 tonight. They'll be back between 8 and 9 pm.
I am so scared. I don't want to do this but it's one of those situations where things seem to be coming to a head. My H is not a talker and I am a nonstop talker. I know I need to stop talking and start listening. I'm just afraid that we'll have total silence that way and he won't say anything of importance other than "I'm filing for D again this week."
Please pray for me to have the right words for my H tonight and to not say things that might damage our R any further.
I'm genuinely scared all.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
