Rob, Your w is starting to sound like a character in The Theater of the Absurd. Why do you continue to enable her? Perhaps you need to give her a little reality check and say something like, "You are divorcing me and trying to take my only child, of course we are at war" . You don't divorce someone unless you no longer want to be part of their lives, period. I think you would be doing her a kindness is you refused to speak to her about anything other than drop off and pick points and times. Co parenting is a wonderful idea but when a child is living in two households , she just has to deal with the rules of whichever she is in at the time. Sure you can agree about basics but I think the reality is when D is with you it is your problem and when she is with W it is hers. What W is doing is proving she unequipped to be a single parent which she will be no matter what. Also your W just has to get it together about what divorce actually means and find a way to handle it on her own. I wonder if she has even thought about the fact her daughter will never remember her mother living with her real father. Hope she is emotionally prepared for that. The talk about parents eventual deaths sounds like a few glasses of wine talking
