I am having a hard time with something now… I miss my H, I truly do. But he hasn’t attempted to contact me, and I worry that it may be way to soon yet. But missing him isn’t enough to want me to contact him on that alone...
I’ve been reading and reading, thinking and thinking, sorting and well you get the idea. I’m open to sending an olive branch, but not if it’s not going to be received well and I just don’t know if it’s been enough time for H to have ‘licked his wounds’, so to say. I have no intention of walking back in to his life at this conjuncture, no. Not without some serious commitments (and a little head examining- as one of my friends would say. The Proctologist called. They found your H's head...).
But, I certainly don’t want to head into another attack coming at me from left field, saying how it’s my entire fault again. (Yeah, I got the message. Can you tell?) Plus, if he is receptive to the olive branch, I would like to begin steps (working slowly) to greater change for both of us, ie counseling perhaps, goal setting, or something, you get the idea. I do have to eventually get some more belongs from the house before I head off to visit my family in July. I also know that he has a camping trip planned right before I leave, which he’s going to need the truck, which I have, and I would like to swap cars anyway. I thought that this might be a good means to see how receptive he is at this time.
One of the problems I have is that he changed the locks on the house, so I just can’t go in and get my things while he’s at work. (Why he did that… past experience from his ex wife… nothing related to me, so you get the picture here... his pas tis influencing his present... thanks.)
The last time I asked for some specific items from the house, about one week after I left, he put all my requested items in a garbage bag, (mind you I had also requested my grandmother’s shoe box of slides) and placed it in the sun/heat at the side door and left the gate unlocked for me. That was a nice thing he did, instead of leaving it on the curb. I don’t want to send him a list of what I need, just for him to ignore it, and start stuffing all my clothes/belongs into garbage bags again. I don’t have the space for all that right now, and I just can’t stop the feeling that it’s going to get ugly for some reason. (Think positive, right? Good civil exchange and interlude. Positive reinforcement, be in zen state…. ummmm….)
So, how should I go about it? I don’t really want to call, and leave some shaky voice message. (This will be tough for me… I know when I get near the house, I’ll get all emotional… ugh, I’m sooo procrastinating on this.) So, I’m thinking email may be my best bet? But I don’t want to be all pissy sounding in my email either.
Should it just be sweet and simple? Or just list the stuff I want, like: ____
