My husband want to come home - help!

[SDFoundGirl]

I'm going to second what Lin said: you may have to walk on eggshells for a while. Because, while your H is learning to trust you, YOU are also learning to trust H again.

When my H recommitted, I was terrified. We were in MC the whole time, and I basically let him do all the talking and bringing up of issues until he was done and until he saw that so many things he assumed I thought/believed/was were just not true. We have a great MC, and at some point she called me on the eggshells thing.

You're going to have to be patient--with yourself, your H, and your R. It took a good two years after the bomb for H and I to really get to a safe, accepting, comfortable point where we trust each other and know we can say whatever we need to say. I went from going to events where OW (it was an EA with a coworker) was or even ones she was hosting in September 2006, to talking about my feelings about her in MC and putting it on the table, to declining to go to any events with her but letting H make his own choice in December 2007, to telling H outright that I didn't want him to socialize with her at all--email, in person, etc. in late March 2008. I set some really clear boundaries and expectations for continuing in the M at that point, and H stepped up and respected that.

It wasn't until I hit a crisis in early May and saw how H responded SO differently from before (used to be judgmental and try to fix things) that *I* was fully there. I think H had been there since late March, but it just took me longer.

Piecing requires the same DB strategies as before. You still have to stay detached (which means staying nonjudgmental about H's actions, not worrying about the outcome when making your decisions as to what is right for you), GAL, work on PMA and your own actions. In some ways, it's harder. H comes back, and we place all these expectations on him and how it's *supposed* to be...when really, there is only what is and no "supposed" to.

My best recommendation to you is to insist on MC as a condition of H returning, then go and be very, very patient. Your turn WILL come. Is it fair? Maybe not, but it's what is.

SD