Too late for DB, thread 7

[cw68]

I am myself. I'm getting to be more myself. Last night when I walked away from H without a hug it was half that I needed to walk away so they didn't see me crying. D7 was crying and upset that she had to go to Dad's, not sleep in her own bed and not with her cat. I couldn't let her see me more upset than she already knew I was. But the other half was that I didn't really want to hug him. He's the one who did that to my D and he doesn't deserve a hug from me to soothe his guilt. Wonder how felt this morning when S5 called me this morning crying because he missed me? I wonder if he felt that the pancakes he was making, the baseball and swimming he planned for them made up for it? I just got more pissed because today I have to mow the lawn and have a ton of house projects since I'm responsible for this myself. I wish I was the one in a 1br apartment sometimes. The kids only have fun with Dad while we spent yesterday doing house chores and creating a "job jar" since I expect them to pick up more duties now that they are older and I'm going to need their help. Luckily my kids rock and think it's fun. And they, even at their young age, realize that they can be there for me.

So screw him. He's either going to see the light or not.

Met a nice man at the party last night. I have no desire to date or anything, but the couple that hosted the tball party were fun. We hadn't spent a lot of time talking before and I really enjoyed them. Their bro-in-law showed up and he was just a nice, funny guy. Turns out his wife was the sister of the mom host. I say was because she lost her battle with breast cancer at 34, seven years ago. The three of us had a pretty long conversation about BC and I could tell that they got a little comfort out of someone relating with them since my sister was first diagnosed at 38. Anyway, bro-in-law was a really happy, yet complex guy. I enjoyed seeing someone a few years down the road from tragedy strong and happy, looking like that had grown from the experience even though you could tell he didn't like it. That's going to be me.