I begged and pleaded with you to work with me to make our marriage better. There were times when you said you would work on things only to change your mind a couple days later and say things couldn't be fixed. You went from threatening divorce one day to making insincere apologies and half-heartedly agreeing to work on our marriage only going back to the same madening behavior. You talk about our marriage from a biblical perspective and ask me to go to church and bible study but only when I said I have had enough. Before we separated you didn't give a second thought to what the Bible said about our marriage. You always read [censored] self-help marriage and relationship books but would never talk to me about our marriage. That doesn't make any sense. Who's marriage are you trying to fix? Not ours.You never made time for me, you refused to talk to me about important things, you witheld sex. You knew that having a dirty house and car upset me. You did what you wanted and what made you happy and [censored] everyone else. I never knew where I stood with you. I asked you to trust me and allow me to support our family financially while you stay home with the kids. Your solution was that I should just work more and rely on overtime and you could quit. You asked me to work to the point where I would never be home with you or the kids so that you could quit your job. You thought it was crazy that we move because it might require some sacrifice on your part. You're childish and selfish. You only think of yourself. You don't understand your role as a woman and a wife. You are not in charge and you can't control things. You tried and look where it got you. All I asked of you is to move with me so we could afford for you to stay home with our kids. I wanted for us to have more time together as a family. I wanted us to have more financial freedom. I wanted our children to grow up in a more conservative culture with more conservative schools and without the gangs, drugs and violence of Fresno. You said you didn't want to leave your family. I was your family. You left me. You questioned my motives and told me I was lying. You lied to me when we moved to Texas. You don't understand how much that hurt me. You never acknowledged the signifigance of that and it still bothers me. I can't trust you. You chose you over us. I asked you to respect me. You refused. I asked you to treat me lovingly. You said you would but didn't. You always want to work on things after I've left. You placated me by making promises with no intention of keeping them. It's manipulative and crazy. I was having chest tightness, IBS symptoms. I had a migraine and thought I was having a stroke for Christ's sake......All stress related. I have a stressful and dangerous enough profession without you [censored] with me all the time. All I wanted was to come home to my wife for peace and comfort. Instead I got strife and misery. I told you I didn't feel like you loved or respected me. That's how I felt since we got married. I need a wife who is going to understand how precious life is and know better than to waste it arguing about petty horse [censored]. I need a wife who will treat me like a man and act like a woman, not a ill behaved child. I told you this day would come. You didn't believe me and now it's here. I can't trust you. I begged and pleaded with you to do things a spouse should do without being asked like talk to me and spend time with me, treat me with respect (especially in front of our children) treat our home with respect and teach our children to do the same (instead of treating it like a garbage dump). You must think I'm some week minded idiot because I've put up with your bullshit for nearly eight years. It wasn't weakness, it was patience and love. I was hoping that if I was patient enough and tried everything there was and prayed hard enough that you would see my efforts and and understand that I loved you. I asked God to change your heart and make me a better man and husband. You haven't made any effort to treat me any different than you did when we first got married. And as a testiment to how pathetic our marriage has become after eight years we still have unresolved arguments that date back to when we first got married. I don't have much else to tell you. I don't think there's much left to say. I tried, I begged, I pleaded, I prayed, I cried, I made myself physically sick. I can't trust you and to much has happened.
Makes me feel like a f'ing monster.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
