If you / Don't care for it

[mishka422]

Good grief. He's really fighting his feelings isn't he?

I know you already know this but, DON'T SIGN ANYTHING! Those IM's last night were meant to push your emotional buttons to get you to just do what he wants (or thinks he wants at the moment).

I'm so sorry you woke up to this. It's not a pleasant start to the day.

Keep your positive attitude. You're an amazing woman Michelle and you will know what the right thing to do is, when it's the right time.

(((((Michelle)))))))

[Kalni]

Ok, If I get it right he has ben IMing you an dthought you were there and not answering so he went on with typing his thoughts out...

I am sorry you had to read this, how do you feel? Did you call your parents? Had he warned you at all that he has been preparing separation papers? Did you ever answer to him?

K

[Kalni]

IMO, sit tight, think what you want to do, and do it. If you don't want to sign anything then don't. How are you sweetheart?

[MichelleLT]

He IMd me a couple things a few min before this started. I didn't answer because I was asleep - I had an away message up. Then he went into that.

I haven't been to my parents' house since last Saturday. I haven't seen this letter. I have no idea if this is S papers, a summery dissolution D, or what. I haven't called my parents although my mom would certainly be awake, my dad would not.

He has an away message up now. He was out drinking last night. Probably very drunk when he sent that. I am not going to wake him up at 7 am to deal with this.

I am going to take a shower and think.

I feel like he's leaving me all over again.

[One Day]

Hey Michelle,

(((((hugs)))))

I'm sorry about this. What's the letter he's talking about? And how comes he doesn't know where you live? Sorry if I've missed something from before.

I wish there was something I could say. Him apologising for things coming to this and not knowing how it worked out this way seems a glimmer of positive-ness in this. And that some of the dates have been fun too.....

He sounds confused (still) is all I can think. He's mistaken if he thinks signing a piece of paper means closure. A bit of anger in there too. I don't think the paper means anything, and I also think this is the kind of thing that you guys need to discuss face to face rather than through IM. Would it be worth doing that?

L. xx

[Kalni]

You can handle it Michelle. You know from this board that a paper is just a paper. Your H is definitely confused, you know that. He sounds like is quiting instead of fighting for your M because he can't find the answers he is looking for.

I agree with LIsa, do you think you could see him and talk about it?
K

[MichelleLT]

I can only assume that he wrote the letter after our date last Saturday. That maybe this was what he wanted to talk to me about, but chickened out. Perhaps the catalyst for this was me contacting OW. I have no way of knowing though of course.

I would definitely prefer to figure this out face to face. If he had given me an opening I was going to invite him over for dinner this weekend. Somehow I don't think he's gonna go for that now though.

He doesn't know where I live because he bailed on helping me move (his best friend and my mom and brother were my main assistance) and hasn't visited me or asked where I live since.

He obviously thinks that doing a legal S or D will somehow make him feel better. Give him closure he doesn't have now. Which I guess tells me he is still confused, lots of mixed emotions.

He is putting a deadline on himself though by wanting this all taken care of before he deploys. He is pressuring himself to decide.

And his away message is still up. He hasn't been on his computer yet this AM. Which isn't THAT surprising I guess, since he was out drinking last night and got driven home by a local cop.

He sounds like is quiting instead of fighting for your M because he can't find the answers he is looking for.

Yeah, its the same crap from last summer - I don't know how to fix it, so obviously it can't be fixed. I don't know how to show him otherwise though right now...

[Kalni]

You can't fix it. You know that. He has to fix it. He seems to feel unable to. He thinks the closure and peace he is looking for will be possible after you sign a paper. Little does he know...

[AliSuddenly]

Michelle,

I am so sorry. Thats really awful that he said all those things on IM. Gosh, he sounds so angry, I really do feel for you right now. Are you ok? Is there someone that can come and be there with you to talk it through? Is the letter he is referring to you at your Dads some separation papers then, not a letter?

It sounds like (as he said, this isnt to do with an OW) that he has made this move recently and he sounds angry, do you think its because you sent the article to her? Or perhaps not, depends when he sent the paperwork.

I'm really thinking of you, I'm so sorry that he is directing his anger and aggression at you (as he sounds like he is) you havent done anything wrong as such, and you dont deserve this.

I think its interesting the way he says "and within two months I'll be deployed again" I'm sensing some anxiety in him and wanting to get things "tied up" before he goes away, its such a strange thing to say. Why does it matter to the army if hes separated M or D?? Its just paperwork?

I do think its very sad and disrespectful of him to have this important conversation on IM (when he knows you are not online?) its like he's taking all the control and its NOT a conversation.

Hugs Michelle x

[AliSuddenly]

...thats what I was thinking, I bet he was drunk becuase I can feel the anger in it. So wierd. I agree with Lisa and you, that he obviouslt still has mixed emotions and as he cant see a way to fix it, he just wants to end it. My BF said the same to me when he left... I just want to draw a line under it all. But thats not how it works !

Take care of yourself, I'm going out but will check back later
Ali xxx