H is having affair after all - part 3

[Evie]

Thanks Jen. It is so hard to be friends with him right now. I saw Sex in the City last night and without going into too much detail for those of you that haven't seen it, there is a scene where something happens to one of the girls and her and her partner have a break with no contact at all for 6 months. That's how i feel, of course its more complicated, i not totally independant and i have kids to consider and i have to maintain contact with him because of that.

Good points of H: (seems so long ago that anything good happened, i'm having trouble recalling, so i'll go back to the beginning of our R!!)

. Good Looking & fab body(well he was prior to the bomb, he looks wrecked atm)
. Great Friend, easy to talk to.
. Passionate, loving and considerate lover
. Good fun, had a zest and spontaneous love of life
. hard worker and VERY good at DIY
. He took care of things,(perhaps i see this now as more of a fixer and controlling & I think i changed myself to accomodate him)
. confident when i met him (probably a bit arrogant?) but he seems less confident now
. Like to spend money, generous with it (hates it now that he can't spend and blames me b/c he hasn't got any money as he says i have it all
. he was a free independant spirit, he always wanted to do things, but since starting the family and running the business especially at the weekends it was harder to get away, he doesn't see this and he hugely resents it. he seems as if he has teh weight of the world on his shoulders.

I really feel as if there is no hope, even if he were to want to come back, we would have a lot of work to do (which i am prepared to do by the way.) But i feel that he is prepared to push for the house to be sold and get divorced. He can't see what its doing to his kids and the girls. And you can't or couldn't work on a R/M with a 3rd person in it, despite the fact that he said I didn't try...

After the row on Wednesday, on Thursday i had a couple of emails and texts off him, i'm not sure why he does this? Check that i'm still talking to him? Control?.

He went to see his brother last week (the one who lives in manchester, 100 miles away). His brother is gutted at what he is doing, but he tried talking to H and asking him what his plan was for the future. H just wouldn't talk to him. Closed book.

Positives this week.

Feel a lot stronger after wednesday.
Been asked out twice, once by a guy at work who is married and slates his way. Not interested any way, but the moral booster was ace.
Got out with daughter and new friend to go to the cinema last night.
having hair cut and highlighted today.
looking forward to a new yoga class tomorrow.