Grand Finale

[Jen_Jam]

Sorry you're feeling low Jeff, it comes over that you are frustrated with feeling low, you feel as if you "should" be in a better place, you "should" be ready to date, you "should" be able to let XW's actions have no effect on you.

Note the word "should". i'd like to get it banned from the English language (and other languages as well)

You have taken a huge knock. Allow yourself to grieve for the lost R, if you didn't you wouldn't be human.

The kids - will never, EVER stop being your kids and there is nothing anyone can do about that. OK, you may have less time with them now but from what I read the time you do have with them is wonderful. Please focus more on what you do have and less on what you don't (hope this makes sense).

I do feel differently than I did but nothing has changed really. I am more aware now and I know what needs to be improved but I just am not morphing into that new, wonderful man. I really doubt I will ever change really.

If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't. Sounds to me like you need some goal setting. This is something I do in my life ALL THE TIME now. I ask you now:
1. what do you want to improve?
2. what is that new, wonderful man like? How does he talk? What does he say? what does he do? How does he walk? What tone of voice does he use? What are his interests? How does he deal with life's knocks? Anything else about him?
Once you have identified specifically WHAT you want, you can work towards it. While your goal is always a wooly "better" it can be hard to attain it.

Are you missing the small signs too? It can be a useful exercise to look back and compare yourself now with you 2,3,5, 10 etc years ago.

I want to share as well something I came across last night. As you are aware, I struggle with my weight and it's all bundled up with my self esteem. I emotional eat a lot. I have given up on diets (I know how to eat healthily) and focus on changing me from the inside so I don't "eat my emotions". Anyhoo .... I came across EFT. I do tend to tell myself negative things in my weight loss journey (eg " I do eat like a pig, I do eat more than everyone else, I will always be the fat one") and this really hit me (from the website I will post below):

"Once you stop telling yourself negative things on a regular basis you'll find you do have power over yourself and your environment, and you'll start to be motivated toward making positive changes."

Have a look at the link, OK it's for weight loss but I think this may be of use to you. If not, well , nothing ventured, nothing gained. EFT link

Take care Jeff. You will survive this, I believe in you.