fwiw, I did tell my h that I was sorry for the things I did that hurt him, or the things I didn't do for him. I told him if I had to do things all over again, I'd do many things differently. Today, I try to remind myself of that when we get into old destructive patterns. Lots of it has to do with forgiving and letting go of the past, not reading into things but taking words at face value (although IN the MLC you may have to totally ignore their words and watch their actions), and cutting each other some slack.
My MIL has advanced cancer and h is a doctor, and the oldest of two children, both boys. So h is definitely having a hard year and I know we're going to have to deal with some deep sadness. But as I recall my father's death over a decade ago, I see it as the biggest event of my life, other than motherhood. Now, it's MY job to be the "strong one" and one thing I know after all this DBing, is that I AM stronger than I knew.
One thing that is going on is that h is taking a leave of absence to go be with his mom, at my suggestion. It'll cost a fortune in lost dollars, but it's the right thing to do. What's the point of being a doctor if you can't care for your terminally ill mom?
You are stronger than you know. Just Own your wrongs but don't dwell on them. Let them go, forgive yourself. You deserve to be happy and so do your sons, and someday soon you will be. You'll have to lead the way. (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
