First of all thank you so much Lisa for posting such a long reply and cheering me up. You are so wonderful at pulling the positives out of what I considered a negative experience. It is wonderful wonderful to have your support. I REALLY appreciate you!
So it seems I went temporarily insane for 2 days but now I'm back to normal....
After reflecting on the week, I think what started this was I got asked on a coffee date by a very lovely man. And I totally freaked out - I am so scared of having to date - its a big unknown to me. And that made me miss H and wish that he would just come back. The hardest thing for me is giving up our shared history and all the good times. I think that made me panic and I shouldn't have rung H when I was so tired, and emotional, and hormonal!! But I did... and then the next day when I was still tired and emotional and hormonal I sent H the following text (what the hell was I thinking?!? ha ha!)
TEXT "Hey what are you doing next Fri night? My brother and I sometimes go to a cool jazz club, and there is a really great band that is playing next week, but he cant come. Call me if you are interested?"
I must have totally lost the plot - I can barely cope with a phone call, and yet I'm asking H out to a whole night! Talk about pressure!! And my game plan was to let him pursue me.
So that was 3 nights ago. And after I regained my sanity, I figured that there is no way that H would ever respond. And I wasnt going to even tell my DB-ing friends that I'd sent the text.
But then last night H replied:
TEXT from H "yeah that sounds cool, will chat next week"
And now I don't want to go and see him - I don't know whether to cancel or not?!? Ha hA!! Loony!! What should I do?
The good thing is that I have detached again - I've faced that fear about losing our shared history, and realised that heaps of people on this site are losing a shared history of children being born and many many many more years that H & I. And that life goes on. I can have the good memories with H, and I can create new good memories with someone new if necessary.
I honestly dont know if I can get through a whole night with H being detached - I really should have warmed up to it, by doing several smaller, less pressure, drinks first! I definitely got impatient and decided to take matters into my own hands instead of letting go.... silly girl - when will I learn?
So advice now would be much appreciated. I think its a very real possibility that even if he says yes he will chicken out at the last minute and stand me up...
