Update: After much thought and consideration, I decided to extend my stay here at my Mom's house. I will be returning to work (flight attendant) on July 3rd and will have to commute to work which will be a little tougher; but this will keep me away from H for a little longer. He has agreed to care for my dog for a little while longer but I still haven't told him how much longer. I told the Apt.complex that I was going to rent from that I had reconsidered and I will now be trying to save more money to move into a cheaper place in probably Aug. instead of July. This gives me more self confidence and will keep me away from the foreclosure drama that will be happening soon. H may think he has it all together right now but this is not going to be much longer the case. Anyway, just felt like I needed to stay where I know my life is stable for now. I still want to see us reconcile more than ever but I also have to get my life back to normal. Hoping H will miss me.
Yes I know you want to reconcile and now you are doing what you need to do that will make him miss you. You are GAL and making yourself less available at the same time.
Give yourself a pat on the back! (Pat, pat from me!)
Hi guys. I need some advice. I am really struggling with the no contact thing. I have broken down and made contact with him (with the excuse of "business" type things) a couple of times over the past few days. I am thinking maybe re-reading DR may help me stop this pattern of behavior but sometimes I feel like it's just too late. I have been having thoughts of divorce lately which depress me on the one hand but on the other hand give me a sense of slight releif that I'd no longer be walking on eggshells wondering if I did/said the wrong thing or if we've just been separated too long for there to ever be reconciliation. What do you guys suggest I do to get a fresh perspective and a new attitude? I really want to commit to this process.
Well realize that when you give in to impulse and call him you are doing so to relieve present anxiety but it hurts the big picture.
Try to focus on the big picture and the long run.
Look back on my first post where I gave several suggestions on things you can do to help you stop calling such as getting out of the house, shutting off your phone for long periods of time, etc.
Find a lot of things to keep you busy outside of your house. Join some clubs, maybe some meetup.com groups near you. They are free and have many interest groups.
Plan a weekend away at a relative or friend's out of town.
Just write a list and start brain-storming things you can do.
Sounds good. I suppose right now its just hard with having so much time on my hands. Perhaps when I am settled in a new apartment and am back at work I will not be so tempted to call him when the loneliness sets in. I feel very disoriented here out of town and he is a familiar voice; even if just for a moment. The fear I feel makes it hard for me to believe that "nothing is something" but I will TRY!! Thanks. I will go back and read those posts. I'm hanging in there
Hi everyone. This post is hard for me because I wish I didn't even have the "wide-awakeness" to be writing it but I CANNOT sleep...I can't take the pain anymore. I spent all night tossing and turning about the state of limbo that I have been in for so long. I started to play it out in my head; that dreaded conversation. "Can we still be friends..", "no, how bout, 'honey I just can't go on like this', "no, '[H], "I want to be in a relationship and you dont"...Ahhhh! In my mind it doesn't even sound right...but I'm so unhappy. I feel like telling H I am going to file for divorce will offer me some relief. I have no self respect left; no dignity; no feelings of worth. I don't even know why I am saying all this at 5:52am to all of you; maybe I want you to tell me to hang in there. Deep down I still love H and want to see great things happen if I just hang on; but deep down I wonder if that's really realistic. So much has happened that my sense of betrayal is still very deep. H does not seem bothered in the least about the opposite direction he's taken from what real marriage is; and I miss it...marriage that is. Maybe you will all tell me "It's time", maybe you'll say "hang in there"...but say something. Am I the only one to be this mentally tortured by such nothingness? Please help. I need the support. And by the way, I am posting now b/c I came VERY close to calling H and just spilling the beans about all this. But I figured I'd give you guys a try with it first.
OK - I've not posted to you before, and I hope I am in time.
DON'T PANIC!!!!!!!
I don't know your whole sitch, just what is in your signature. But right now, your H doesn't matter, your sitch doesn't matter.
YOU matter.
you are obsessing over H, about what may or may not happen, and you want answers. All completely understandable.
The bad news - you don't get answers in a hurry and sometimes you never get them at all. So! You can't have answers. What can you have instead?
Happiness .... if you can get to the mindset where your M is on a shelf for now, that you are for the time being single, I think this may help. I don't of course mean doing the dating scene, but imagine ... if you had not met your H and were right now not married, what would you be doing in your life? Where would you go? Which friends would you have? What hobbies would you have?
It helped me while my H was in MLC fog and didn't want to come anywhere near me (but wasn't mean or nasty to me) to pretend that he was just some guy I shared a house with and **I** was just fine. I got in touch with old friends, new hobbies, I really enjoyed myself. I made a commitment to the happiness of the most important person in my life - ME. Sounds selfish? Not at all.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Jen_Jam has great advice. And Debbie: GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
You're not even in your own place so you don't even have that privacy or freedom which is making it harder on one hand, but you do have your parents there which is good because you are not alone on the other hand.
Are you and your parents close? Can you go to a movie or something?
The weather is getting nice, you can go to the parks, beach, mountains, desert, lake depending where you live.
Are you working? What are you doing during the day? Do you want a career change?
A few months ago I saw that reality show "Say Yes to the Dress" that takes place at the famous bridal gown store and decided I wanted to try my hand as a bridal gown consultant. So I stopped by two shops in my area and emailed a third.
I didn't hear back so I kept calling or emailing them once every other week, but the manager was either not getting my messages or not returning them.
Finally one day I was in the neighborhood of one and thought let me just stop in in person. She hired me on the spot. Now I'm a bridal gown consultant in training.
My point is now is the time you can try your hand at anything you always wanted to be.
Have you heard of meetup.com? It's free and there are so many different interest groups, you can pick and choose and meet people in your area with the same interests.
