so here's what I'm thinking. if h gets custody,there is no reason for me to stay upstate. I think I should move back to the city. I'm starting a new job on MOnday that's based in the city anyway (doing in online). as soon as I get money together, perhaps it will be best for me and then (if this is the custody arrangement), I'll drive upstate to see d5 on the weekends.
I can't live in this huge house alone. I can't walk past d5's room without sobbing. I feel like h has "won". my dad basically has paid for the divorce (papers were served today as well as motions) and even though the custody case isn't over and social services found h's "concerns" unfounded (win for me), we still have to meet with this child advocate on the 13th and d5 will be interviewed as well and h and I sep. I can't imagine what he will say. the only thing he really has "on me" are my journals that he stole and quotes that were completely taken out of context.
he stole my 401 money, god knows what he will do next and I feel defeated. he's won. he gets ow and possibly d5 and i can't take this anymore. h is meaner than mean and a liar to the 9th degree and I can't take it anymore.
what are your thoughts? should I just give up here? I don't want h back and have zero delusions that he will "come back". that's done. his lying and antics this past week have totally proven that he is either mentally ill, a sociopath and just doesn't care about me at all.
I have like50 dollars to my name until I get paid on June 1st and I am so scared it's not even funny. I just can't live in this huge house upstate alone without d5. she's my family. it's killng me that she isn't here.
I guess h won. he got what he wanted. he won't stop until he completely destroys me via financially, custody of d5, everything. I actually thought for a long time that he cared enough that he was supportive in my going back to school (he even helped me get in!) and NEVER until last week EVER said or indicated that he was concerned about my ability to parent d during the week. he called social services on me last week and it has been hell. even though they found it "unfounded", I feel like he is so evil, he will stop at nothing to destroy me.
so maybe I should just move back to nyc where I have lived for 20 years and accept that I will only see d5 on his terms.
