I think we all go through that realization at one time or another...
I used to be a very positive person. I'm working my way back to that. It is much easier to have a optimistic outlook than a pessimistic one, IMO. But, it's going to happen, the low valleys and the high mountains... a few rainfalls later, and beautiful rainbows.
I like to surround myself with positive people, and I find that works really well. (Rather than poking at negatives, find the positives, blah blah blah...) Sometimes it's hard to do.
I really applaud you because it's really hard work. At the same time, as much as I can probably empathizes with your wife. I wonder if she's being too hard on herself? I often am very hard on my self, and that is something that I know I have to work on. That could also be what is holding her back too... as well as pride. We woman can have egos too. (Nah! Ya think? )
)