Ms B, You need to see the swimming lessons day for what it was: a HUGE improvement. You worked together on errands, he even invited you to lunch. Swimsuit suggestion as well, at each point he's watching your reaction. Don't react to the "D" word either. Divorce takes a long, long time, and he hasn't even filed yet. Don't even worry about it. This isn't the end of the world that it feels like. Trust me. You have a lot of time to work on yourself. If your husband really wanted a divorce, he wouldn't be acting like this. Just remember that we call our spouses "Aliens" around here and they do a lot of crazy things. A lot of it is because they've been hurt IMO.
I know it's easier to see from the outside, but your sitch has a lot of hope. You're still having a lot of great contact. And quit feeling guilty about having great sex. (Just avoid the R talk next time)
The feelings still seem to be there, this is all very good.
I think the e-mail is good, but I would leave out the last paragraph and make it lighter, something like:
When I invited you over the other night, it wasn’t strictly sex that I wanted (although certainly a good excuse). I wanted to connect with you. I wanted to see you.
And I really enjoyed it, thanks.
It sounds like your changes are working already, keep it up! And don't worry about him changing. That will come. I like how Michelle puts it:
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
(Just avoid the R talk next time)