I have basically been in two long term relationships since I was 15 years old.
I married my high school sweetheart. Together 10 years and then married for another 5. I went straight from that relationship into my current relationhip with wife. Two long term relationships, back to back, covering 28 years. So, since I was 15, I have not been independent. I have ALWAYS been with someone.
Co-dependent on someone. I don't want to be independent. That may sound crazy, but true. I love sharing my life with someone.
I love being married.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
H4H - I am with you - and I know what you mean - I was happy to be married, to have person do depend one another - Yes now I have my "freedom" but I wasn't looking for it and I am not even enjoy it. But this is not the point now. The fact is that we are in this position - and it is painful and sad, but our WW cannot and do not want to "support" us - and we need to show them and to us, that they don't HAVE to - if you show you are independent then you show she can depend on you - this is what I understood - It is hard - for me nearly impossible right now - I just screwed up big time with W and put the clock back to square one - but this is need to be done.... I guess. It does upset me - because if I show somebody I love her - that should be valued, but obviously it is not, not in this moment - it is a cruel game - they want to see something else.
It will be difficult for you.. It was for ME. I have three boys ages 11-14 at home with me. Just me and them. It works though.. and gets easier and easier. and better also.
The thing is .. the only person you really need.. well. that is YOU ! Find that guy and hang on !
I had spoken to her about 3 weeks ago and was unable to help her as she had no ID. She is back today to open and account. She has her paper ID. She sits down. She looks like she has had a bad day. She has no car. Rides the city bus to get around. She is looking for the paper and cannot find it. I see an EPT tester. She is starting to freak out. I tell her to take her time. No hurry. She keeps saying what a bad day. What a bad day. No luck. Nothing but bad luck. I ask her if she wants to talk. She starts to cry.
She just found out she is pregnant. Has a two month old. Doesn't know where the babys father is. This one was an accident from who know who. Trying to make a living. Has had Child Services investigate her. How she was abused as a child and beaten when she was older. I told her that she can break the cycle. She has to be strong for herself and her kids. She is 22 years old.
I ask her if she prays. Goes to church. I tell her I well pray for her. She vents to me for several minutes. I give her the sody I just bought in the machine. I offer some tissues. I tell her to come back and see me tomorrow. She leaves.
As she leaves, I start to tear up.
There are other people in the world that go through a lot worse than what I am experiencing. Their lives ARE hell right now. People that are going or have been through so much worse than me.
I have a lot to be thankful for.
A lot to be thankful for.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
No call from WW after work today. I called D's to tell them I was going to be on my way home and D11 has WW on the other line. I tell her to go back and talk to her. I call back and D11 said mommy is on her way home already and she was about 15 minutes away or so. WW should have gotten off early today as she went to an early meeting this morning, although she was late this morning, so it made sense for her to beat me home today.
On my way home, I kept expecting to see her car going the opposite way.
She didn't.
Get home and WW has changed into workout clothes and getting D's ready. Getting my hugs and talking to D's, WW asks me if I want to go with them. I sort of acted like I didn't hear her. I am talking to D's. I tell her, "Well, let me go and put your door together." I again, half expected her to tell me that there was no need. Already done. Maybe OM did it.
She didn't.
I grab some tools. I see she cleaned up bedroom and made the bed. She goes with me outside and I get started. We are all outside. She starts to clean inside her car. "This car needs a bath" she says. I agree with her. Finishing up, she asks me again, "Do you want to go with us?" I ask her if they are going swimming. She says no, the girls just want to work out. Saving swimming for tomorrow. Might go to the wallymart after. I say that is a miracle. I tell her to just go with out me. I do ask what they might want for supper. She shrugs and looks at D's. I tell her to just pick something for themselves in town. I say goodbye. She says goodbye.
Strangely, thats a step for me. I would have said, "Ok, let me change" but...
I didn't.
You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the dooorrrr.....
Last edited by hopeful4her; 06/07/0801:28 AM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Hey, don't be so gloomy. I am glad you thought about watching the movie with us, go get it or if you have TMC it is on tomorrow afternoon. We are going to get you in a happy mood, just you wait.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I had spoken to her about 3 weeks ago and was unable to help her as she had no ID. She is back today to open and account. She has her paper ID. She sits down. She looks like she has had a bad day. She has no car. Rides the city bus to get around. She is looking for the paper and cannot find it. I see an EPT tester. She is starting to freak out. I tell her to take her time. No hurry. She keeps saying what a bad day. What a bad day. No luck. Nothing but bad luck. I ask her if she wants to talk. She starts to cry.
She just found out she is pregnant. Has a two month old. Doesn't know where the babys father is. This one was an accident from who know who. Trying to make a living. Has had Child Services investigate her. How she was abused as a child and beaten when she was older. I told her that she can break the cycle. She has to be strong for herself and her kids. She is 22 years old.
I ask her if she prays. Goes to church. I tell her I well pray for her. She vents to me for several minutes. I give her the sody I just bought in the machine. I offer some tissues. I tell her to come back and see me tomorrow. She leaves.
As she leaves, I start to tear up.
There are other people in the world that go through a lot worse than what I am experiencing. Their lives ARE hell right now. People that are going or have been through so much worse than me.
