Hope4us struggle, part 4

[kat727]

You need to get netflix or blockbuster by mail(can't remember what it is technically called). I think my mom saw it on one of the satellite channels. It has the guy that plays Mr Bean and the gal that was a friend of Hugh Grant's in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" Kristin Scott Davis(thomas)something like that. Keep an eye out for it.

My heart really goes out to you. You have been working so hard and it is so nice that a ray of hope is in your tale. I really hope this works out for you.

kat

[kat727]

See if you get TMC. It is supposed to be showing this weekend.
kat

[Hope4us]

Thanks Kat. I see that it's on today. Not sure if I'll get a chance to watch it or not, but I'll try.

Last night was GREAT. Ok, not that great, no intimacy yet, but last night was the first night I let myself think we're going to make it. I'm doing my best to not get my hopes up too high, but with all the things that have been going on the last almost 3 weeks now, I'm feeling like we'll make it.

WW discussed with me finding a different job. She found an ad for a position which is more what she's done for years. When we relocated for my job our company found her a position that has the same "admin assist" job title as she's always had, but when she got her the job responsibilities are nothing like admin work (much more responsibility), which isn't a bad thing, but they aren't paying her for those increased responsibilities. Plus she HATES the type of work it is. She had mentioned a number of times looking for a new job after we'd been here a few months because she was so unhappy. I talked to her about how it would be best if she could stick it out until they found her another job because you just can't walk away from a good company, 28 years of service, 5 weeks vacation, great retirement plan, great 401K plan, etc. So she didn't pursue it.

Boy that was a mistake. I often wonder now if it was an attempt to get away from OM before anything happened? But she didn't and they did and now we're where we're at.

Anyway, she found an open position that will pay and give vacation based on experience so she's going to look into it. This could be GOOD. Get her away from the triggers of going to work where she met OM, get her away from a position she HATES, get her away from an office where OM may come back to in a couple years....

I was supportive of whatever she chooses to do. So we talked and talked and talked about all kinds of things. She still slept on the couch, but man was it a good night.

I know what you're all going to say.....don't get too high. And I'm trying not to. But it's hard not to go there. And this morning when I woke up, my anger was starting to show back up again....

[fightingirish]

hope,

wow sounds great!!

It will be slow going, but you headed in the right direction!!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hope,

I think that's a very positive development!

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Thanks Guys. I'm trying my best to not get too high, but I can feel it coming....I just hope she doesn't say she wants it to work and then refuse what I need to heal.

Morning has picked up where we left off last night. Talking and talking. She's done a few things the last couple days that shows me she's thinking of ME. And it feels good.

We're going to go out for a bit to the store, and then to look at pools and then maybe to a sports bar to watch the Belmont Stakes. We've decided we'll probably go with an above ground pool which isn't near the investment of an inground so I'm going to play it by ear as far as where we're going etc.

WW is pretty torn about going to the grad party tomorrow. She wants to go, but it's a 5 hour round trip and she's not excited about that, but I think she'll end up going, but we'll see.

Anyway, more positive steps. I just hope she's not pulling something and is just playing/using me and the kids. But I don't think so.

[Hope4us]

Well, we went looking for pools, found one we liked and WW asked me what I thought. I said to her it looked good, but what about us? She said "what do you mean"? I said "I want to know where we are going. I don't want a roommate". She said "I don't know what's going to happen". So I said "I don't think I want to go into debt if she couldn't at least tell me we're headed in the right direction". So the pool idea kind of ended right there.

So I immediately changed the subject and started talking about our upcoming vacations etc and she seemed fine. When we got home I asked if she wanted to go watch the race with me and she said no she was going to stay home so I said "ok, I'll be home later" and left.

I just got home a few minutes ago and she's still ok, but a little quiet. No more R talks for a while, but now WW knows I don't want to be just a roommate and the implied I won't wait for ever.

I think she's making progress, but isn't ready yet to make a commitment. I'm a little disappointed, but not to terribly discouraged. Just need to give her some more time (and a couple of fun vacations) and she'll come around, if not before.

[kat727]

She would be crazy not to.

kat

[Hope4us]

Thanks Kat. I can't tell you what it means to get support like we all get here. It's just so darn tiring. Our spouses are the ones that have done this crap and we're the one's left to pick up the pieces without ANY help, affection, effort on their parts and I'm just tired.

I'm tired of not having ANY of my needs met. Well, let me back up, the last week and a half or so she's meeting my need for conversation, but that's it. She's done this and I'm the one (just like all us here) doing ALL the work to save this marriage and there is no guarantee that I'll ever even get any kind of remorse or apology. These waywards just all think they're justified in what they've done and we're the one's that have to do all the work. Maybe this is why so many marriages fail after infidelity, because the LBS just gives up and when the WAS figures it out, it's too late. And that's a shame.

Ok, pity party over. I'm still confident we're going to make it. I'm confident by the time our family vacation is over in August she'll be groveling at my feet (yeah, nice wish). Ok, not groveling at my feet, but at least sleeping in my bed. Hey, maybe that's the goal. Intimacy by the end of our family vacation. That week will be the one year anniversary of ILYBINILWY.

Oh well, time to get back on the horse and save this marriage. I just hope some day she appreciates it.

[kat727]

She will but not until she comes out of her fog and maybe even a while after that. Everything sounds so positive right now for you. Don't let it get you down, it just means that your hard work is starting to pay off.

kat