Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

FG - I keep waiting for his time to come. He just always seems to slip under the radar and get off easy. But, I truly believe that what goes around, comes around. That goes for OW, too.

Ellie - I'm good. I actually live in the upstairs of my Mom's house. It's a nice big house with security and a big back yard for Kendall to play in. It's the home I grew up in. H and I moved in ther not too long ago to help take over the mortgage when my Dad fell ill. We had planned on being there to get them through the rough time so they wouldn't lose the house. I guess H decided to bail out early. I, for now, am staying. I have help from my Mom and I can't beat the mortgage on a 30 year old house. There is no way I could afford a place on my own right now. With H waffling about his monitary contribution and me being on disability. This is a much better solution until I can get back on my feet and settled with CS and the debt H left me.

As far as the Sociopath comment. You must have read some of my earlier posts. When H walked out, I continued to see our MC on my own. She pointed out the characteristics of a sociopath and had me read up on it. H had 10 of the 15 characteristics. All of which he had PRIOR to him leaving. The Counsellor said that he exhibited those characteristics right away when we were going to MC together. It's pretty scary the things that you dismiss or just don't pay attention to when you are so close to the sitch. Stepping back, I see many things that I hadn't seen before. I don't, by any means, think my H is a lunatic. But, he's often NOT a good person. He can be and he knows the difference. He just chooses to be self serving a lot of the time.

One of the things that I struggle with is the fact that H can be really sweet one day and the next he's a total jerk. It's hard for me to reconcile this in my head. I take it all so very personally. Almost as though he's angry with me or doing it TO ME. But, in reality, I think H reacts to his own issues, most of which have nothing to do with me. I just end up getting the brunt of it because I'm an easy target for him. It's easy for him to be mean to me. He can't be mad at himself because he's not responsible for anything (in his mind). He can't take it out on OW because he can't risk her taking back the money she spends on him or the risk of her kicking him out. So, who's left? ME.