WAW- Need advise, what to do, I want her back.

[EnergyAZ]

To answer your questions, here is what I would do

1.) Has she given you any indication that you should change the locks to your home? If the door to your heart is open for her to return, surely the door of your home should be as well? Unless there is a concern she may clean you out, I would think that changing the locks on the door would be communicated as lack of trust. If that makes any sense?

2.) Yes, get her something small. Something that caters to her personal interest which demonstrates that you do know her as a person. And if you decide to only go with a card out of concern she might think you were 'trying too hard' - then do only the card. But do acknowledge her birthday, she cant help but appreciate it. Just try not to let it be mushy.

3.)No...keep your folks out of it. She very well may see them as 'meddlesome' and would it be any surprise they petition for the best interest of thier son? It would seem typical and meddlesome IMO



My wife wants to leave me for similar issues, actually WAW are not that different from one another. Your wife had some health issues where she needed your support and you did not deliever. It hurt her deeply then. And the realization of you dropping the ball at that time hurts you deeply now.

I can relate to that because in our situation, it was when my son was born and she was struggling with post-partum depression and I was no where near as supportive as I should have been. I actually would get frustrated at her instead. I would not let her seek pyschopharm help. I just did not understand post-partum and felt it was all in her mind. I would not come home from work to avoid her when she badly needed help/a break with the baby. It left massive scar on her heart. And when I realized how crappy I was, and there was nothing I could do to rectify it (cant change the past), it hurt me very deeply as well.


We men, tend to think of support in a financial way a lot of times. For me it was: How could I not be supportive? I am working my ass off to provide for you and the baby. While that was a form of support, it wasnt what she needed MOST from me.


At least you seem to be getting a clue as to what drove your wife away. When you stop thinking of her as the 'bitch who walked' and start identifying and accepting your share of contributions to that, you have taken a big step on a positive journey.

This site is a wonderful resource for both knowledge as well as comfort and I suggest you explore it.

And while there are no gurantees you will be successful in your quest for reconciliation, you will still be a better man for your growth

Keep talking, keep sharing and folks here will share back. We in a way, are all in this together and all pulling for one another.