Searching for the truth..for me 5

[phbear316]

SG

No I had not gone to lawyer until thursday am. I will admit, I was afraid, scared, had lots to sort out in my head if this is what I really wanted to do.

So the filing was done in my head, and made my decision to go find out what my rights were. SO I did. I was amazingly cool as a cucumber. Did not even well up at any point with the questions that lawyer asked. I like him and think I will stay with him. Now I have some thinking to do. I have to find $5000 for a retainer for the lawyer. Need to start working the phones for apraisal for the house, and make some calls to find out if I alone qualify for a low income mortgage. Need to speak with my parents to see if they will co-sign the mortgage with me.
Right now I am not comfortable with that issue due to I want them to start on their house down the shore. One step at a time.

I found out I can get alimony, but in nj I get taxed on it and he gets the tax right off. How bout those rules. Stink in my book but still eligable for him to pay me. Other option is I buy him out of the house and i keep it, lawyer likes that one. Give me at least something for me.

I can file a junction against her, but it will cost me money to serve her separately, but I will hold that over H's head lawyer suggested that if he does not want to play nice, we will serve her. Will it get me more no, but its my bargining chip. Possibly worth nothing but if I want to lawyer wont stop me. I like having it in my back pocket if H decides not to play nice.

At some point we are going to have to talk about it. I want more information for me, and will talk to him when I am ready. Soon. Just need more information for myself.

Jenny

Thanks for the postive words, yes I am feeling better and stronger. Have done total 180s with h. Finally got there. Changed my direct deposit for my check to go directly into my checking account. Lawyer thing. Like I have said, this is my now. I'm tired of being sad and hurt. Time for me to heal, and move on and I feel I finally am doing that now. I have wrapped my arms around the fact that I may have had my issues within the marriage but I did not totally destroy it. H did that. I am at peace with the fact I did all I could to fix it. H did not want to fix anything. I have learned to hold my head up high, for I tried my best, thats all i can ask out of myself. I have looked within myself and found my flaws and started to fix them. Am i perfect, no never will be, but thats ok with me. Somewhere there is someone who will love and appreciate me for me.

Yes I was on dessert this past week, so they wanted chocolate cream pie. Which was also nice, I miss cooking, it makes me happy that people enjoy what I make. I gain a lot of strengh from that.

Will never be as good as you though. YOu cookie queen you!!

hugs
bear