Thank you EnergyAZ, I understand where you are coming from...
I have never ever mentioned to my husband, or even let him know this is how I felt. I smiled and forged on. Maybe it's a subconscious thing?
I do agree that I think leaving was the best course of action, and was very very fearful, hesitate, and discouraged by doing so before. Not knowing if I made the right decision.
And sadly, the children have suffered some of his emotional baggage, I'm afraid. I've had to spend time, "unwinding" some of that. My SS and I were getting close. Makes me sad thinking about that, because I do miss the kids. I hope they will be okay. I'm sure they don't understand any of it, and I'm sure that my H will give them a 'not so nice' image of me.... sigh.
The best that I can do now is move forward. I completely appreciate your view point. It has answered a lot of my own questions, and I have a naturally tried some of these 'tools', I am finding, of what this DB book talks about. I guess, there are just somethings that you have to accept and move on. And I have come to that realization long ago, finally put one foot in front of the other, and let the momentum carry me through. It's up to my H now, if he persists in his actions, it's his loss because it's just going to keep perpetuating into the next relationship he has, maybe then he'll 'wake up' when he gets his third divorce? Who knows? If he figures it out, great. Me? I can only do what I can, and I've had years of counseling, read a plethora of self help books, and I have finally come to a place where I am comfortable being who I am.
