She sucks me in. For me, it has been all about her for so long. I am co-dependent on her. I have used her as a gauge for my happiness for so long. So long.
It was odd for her to be calling me in the morning like that. I had to take the call. I am a worry wort. Worry about everything. My mind races at what could have happened. Something could be wrong. The way our luck is with cars, she could have been broken down on the side of the road.
I should have taken the call, told her, "Thats good", and cut the phone call to get ready for work.
I guess that is how all of our conversations should be?
To the point and business like?
Seems like that would make me want to leave all the more, too. I suppose that is the point. Encourage her to leave, but with my kids? That's what I don't want.
I'm not trying to be sarcastic. Just trying to sort through thoughts.
I already knew she was still in contact with OM. The TM's really told me nothing other than I found out about another phone she apperantly has somewhere.
If I let her go, then the kids go with her. I cannot afford an attorney right now. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm just trying to make the best of my sh**y situation.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
H4H: She sucks me in. For me, it has been all about her for so long. I am co-dependent on her. I have used her as a gauge for my happiness for so long. So long. I am a worry wort. Worry about everything.
I'm the same way.
You have to find what works for you. Someone wise person on this post told me once, it was CBk or yourself, about being happy with your choices, will you be happy in 5 years with what you are doing today. only you know whats is best for you
I truly hope your situation works out for you and your W
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
I don't even care anymore, Puppy. I don't even feel tortured anymore. Just a bit numb sometimes. Sometimes meloncholy. I'll live
Its like I'm just waiting for the day she leaves, and hoping she doesn't, all at the same time. Obviously, things will change when and IF that happens. I will definately know how to treat her when that happens. While she is here, just trying to make the time here enjoyable.
For me. For all of us. Especially the kids.
I actually feel strong. I don't feel as if I have given anything to WW. The only thing she has on me is her leaving with the kids. I stay strong in my dealings with her. Remain upbeat. I don't feel like I coddle her. It probably sounds like I do. Just nice. I do like talking to her. Gotta fight that.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Keep the PMA throughout. Remember that actions will speak louder than words - she is still there. Perhaps others will "beat on" me for this, but if she was totally committed to going, why is she still there? Having said that, don't dwell on this but maintain the focus on things that MAKE YOU HAPPY.
Hang in there bud.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
No one is saying you coddle her. I'm saying you are meeting some of her emotional needs with your friendship, while she gets some of her OTHER emotional and physical needs met by her boyfriend.
As long as she can eat from both of the cakes, she is well-fed and doesn't have to make any tough decisions.
I understand you love her. I understand she's a friend; perhaps even your BEST friend. My wife is, too. But until you learn to detach and treat her like a business acquaintance, and pull WAAAYY back from her emotionally, she will continue to keep you in emotional limbo.
For me, with all of the intel I had, that was fairly easy -- MOST days. For you, you may have to just FAKE it if you still feel that close to her. I'm sorry, I know it sucks. But it's the only thing that'll be effective EITHER for your own sanity and self-preservation OR for re-attracting your wife.
Five years from now, I will know that I did everything that I could do to save my M. With out regret. It may not have been text book, and I may not have implemented all of the great advice that I get here, but I take comfort in knowing that I tried. My kids will know the same.
I just KNOW that she'll be back someday. Maybe we ALL feel that way. I have that confidence in myself.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Five years from now, I will know that I did everything that I could do to save my M. With out regret. It may not have been text book, and I may not have implemented all of the great advice that I get here, but I take comfort in knowing that I tried. My kids will know the same.
Hopefully, my future posts will reflect my pulling back, and see where the ride takes me.
I have thought about setting aside some time to sit and talk "business" stuff. What she plans. Timeframes. Finances if she moves out. Finances if she stays. My expectations. Her expectations. Let her know I want kids half the time.
Good or bad? Makes sense to me.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Hopefully, my future posts will reflect my pulling back, and see where the ride takes me.
I have thought about setting aside some time to sit and talk "business" stuff. What she plans. Timeframes. Finances if she moves out. Finances if she stays. My expectations. Her expectations. Let her know I want kids half the time.
Good or bad? Makes sense to me.
I am so sorry but man..
Who cares what she thinks ! YOU are what matters now. Five years from now is what you make it out to be.. from now on ! Yes.. CODEPENDENCY ! Quit it ! GAL..
Have you ever been independant of another in a relationship ? Your happiness and inner self does not stem from someone else (ie. stbxw). It is YOU.. from you.. and by you !
