in limbo and an emotional mess...

[MAZ]

SueS-
I'm sorry you keep having to come back here,,going through this once is hard enough let alone several times as you have. it doesn't seem fair that those of us who want to make things work keep getting the short end of the stick,, but all we can do is try, at least we can never say WE didn't do everything we could. Everyone here is very supportive and it has been a big help just to have someplace to go to vent and discuss everything. Well my day yesterday needless to say did not go as planned,, what else is new there, I had to leave work a few hours early to see my grandmother in the hospital as she is not doing well... while I was there H called and left me a message on my cell OW starting trouble like she always does when she knows he is going to see me or the boys, she will pick a fight with her ex, who calls me occasionally to update me on what he may know, etc. so she picks a fight with her ex, to put ideas in H's head and make his question me,, why am I talking to him etc,, H actually told me I am not allowed to talk to him,, but I diffused that situation. Then my older son called me and told me to stop at a local park to pick him up on my way home,, (mind you he should not have been there) but went there to meet his "girlfriend", they got in trouble for being on water company property so I had to go pick him up from security, I won't discuss what they got in trouble for doing as I am just disgusted. But son wanted me there and specifically told me not to call his father. I agreed that I wouldn't call him but told him that in turn HE would have to tell his father about it when he showed up for dinner. As you can tell my whole dinner thing is not off to a good start. H showed up about an hour or so late, and I had our son hit him with what he did right off the bat,,, that of course tied up about 2 hrs. which is the longest H has ever spent talking to our son without screaming. After that i was basically interrogated on questions about OW's ex and was told if he called the house again H would have him arrested. This led me to again say "see" these are some of the games she is playing,, and he came to her defense and said her ex is the problem, she has no reason to lie,, again,, doesn't see it. In any case we talked a while and I basically told him i'm just tired of everything, he again said "he told me he was coming home" etc. but I just left it at that, was a tiring afternoon and night, so he left around 10:45 and I just went to bed because I had to have my 12 y/o at school by 5:30 this morning for a field trip. As far as boundaries, i'm slowly getting there, but I have to pick and choose my words and battles so I toss things out here and there,,but again told him last nite I just can't keep doing it, i'm tired, and I know he sees that,, he told me he is tired too... then end it,,??? I don't get it, I just fear if he comes home she will not be out of the picture,,